The Role of Relationship in Your Spiritual Evolution
Two years ago this week, I was invited to facilitate a pro-bono women’s retreat outside of Cape Town South Africa with over 30 peace builders and justice seekers by one of my clients, who is an ordained priest.
The cohort of mostly Global Majority women was filled with many participants, who are spiritual powerhouses, carrying faith, devotion, and walking their talk. There were practicing Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Agnostics, and a number of theologians, as well as people who were reckoning with what they believed.
Almost every one of the women that said YES to this retreat knew my client directly. Their immense respect for her, witnessing her growth, healing from a chronic health condition, and transformation from our 1:1. She had individual conversations with with them about the retreat and me, informed their YESes to the retreat.
Each time I offer a retreat or a retreat series, like the Year of Quarterly Retreats series, I’m answering a spiritual call planning and preparing with intentional devotion for the women who have said YES (and the 10,000 brave. ancestors that came before each of them), for those women that are on their way, for the process of the circle, connection with the indigenous wisdom keepers of the land, understanding the history of the region and dynamics of oppression and/or racism, the logistics, and myself.
Even with all of the preparation and experience, it’s hard to fully describe what I do or what to expect on a retreat for someone who has never met me.
In South Africa, the women couldn’t believe what they’d signed up for. Each was so used to caring for so many and having little time or energy to truly connect with themselves let alone tend to themselves.
This retreat and most of my retreats are about teaching you how to cultivate a relationship with you and your wholeness from the inside out by teaching you how to get out of your thoughts and into your body.
Even though many of the women were deeply connected to Spirit, they found new realms of connecting with the relationship with themselves, their bodies, right sizing their emotions, navigating complex grief, finding a voice that had been silenced, their ancestors and their land, and so much more.
On your spiritual path, the relationship with yourself can one of the most potent and healing.
It is the bravest work to let go of what is familiar, and it can even be taboo as women to choose something different than should.
It often involves dissolving intergenerational patterns and connecting with your brave ancestors that have no names or faces.
The irony is that we are designed to be in relationship with others.
Yes, 1:1 work is powerful with me, and the power relational transformation of circle is something I cannot replicate in a 1:1 coaching experience.
Being on retreat with me, I teach you how to be in a healthier more nuanced relationship with you (not dictated by your ego, family of origin, or shoulds). As you are being coached, the other ladies aren’t leaning in to hyper focus on you. I guide them to work with a parallel process about themselves.
Learning to witness your own humanity with dignity and respect and practice something different in a circle of women who are practicing this for their own edges is one of the most transformational aspects of my retreats.
Photo: Cape Town Tidal Pool post retreat.
Each time I offer a retreat, it changes me too. The women of every circle I have called over the past 14 years teach me too.
Prior to the South Africa Retreat, I would often bow at client’s feet at the end of a retreat to express my humility, reverence, and gratitude. In South Africa, the Muslim women let me know this isn’t culturally appropriate for Muslims, as they only bow to Allah. Thanks to them, I found new ways to share my soul’s gratitude for retreat participants.
After every retreat, I take time to integrate through the contraction after facilitating deep and expensive work. One of the participants from the South Africa Retreat generously offered to go on a day long journey with me along the coast to ground in the land and be cleansed by the sea. I reveled in this initiation with the frigid for me waters and warmth of the early autumn sun.
I carry all of the touchstones of contact with the women before, during, and after the retreat in my heart, psyche, and soul.
”Months out (of the South Africa Retreat) my friends, therapist, and spiritual director notice how maturely I'm dealing with situations that are coming up in my life. They notice how self-aware, calm and level headed I’ve been, and I realise that I AM doing the work to change my patterns!
I’ve been able to notice how much my feelings of frustration are stemming from my own need to make meaning of things, or to read into things that others are doing, or because of my own unmet expectations and desires, and so I've been trying to observe that and honour how it feels for me, and also realise that it's my own reaction, not necessarily the other person, that is causing these feelings.
I learned how to be in touch with my body, which was life changing! The work that we did with with the land of Korea and my Korean ancestors shifted what I knew about them. I’d always thought of ancestors as being serious, strong, resilient, courageous women, which of course they are, but it was totally mind blowing to realise I've never thought of them as being silly and playful, which of course they also are!
There is also this concept in Korean culture, han, which is basically this idea of deep sorrow and suffering (which stems from Korea's historical/geographical/political story etc.), which I think of as being a concept I've been able to embrace in the past as a part of how I understand myself, but to the point of it becoming sort of a traumatic aspect of my cultural identity (and of course it's then impacted my spirituality, etc.)... Anyway I started reflecting on it at the retreat and continued to do so after, and have been realising how much I've clung to sort of a warped view of han that has fed into a lot of martyr-like tendencies etc... anyway so I'm trying to release some of that and embrace more of the joy/delight/silliness as also being a part of my heritage.)
I’ve also realised how truly integrated all of the most life-giving spirituality really is - of course there are differences and I don't mean to erase any of the uniquenesses of different religions or minimize colonization, but I was just so grateful to see that liberating spirituality has had a thread in it that I've been able to follow toward greater freedom.” Testimonial, Global Majority Woman in her 40s
In 2024, I’m offering a series of 4 in-person weekend retreats for a cohort of 12 women, The Year of Quarterly Retreats. The 9 women who’ve said YES are experiencing shifts in the relationships with themselves before the first weekend retreat on April 7th.
There are 3 spaces open, and I invite you to email me amy@amybabish.com to schedule a call to join us.
The relationship with you is the most sacred and intimate one you have.
May you discover that your thoughts are the whole “T”ruth.
May you find a way to take yourself or people who matter most off of the hook.
May you walk gently with your precious self.
May you open to cherishing your wholeness.
Take gentle care,
Amy
Amy Babish (she/her) is a transformational somatic coach and house therapist with over 20 years of expertise, as a mentor, facilitator, licensed psychotherapist, credentialed art therapist, NLP mindset practitioner, and intuitive. She guides global leaders, peace builders, Fortune 20 executives, entrepreneurs, and innovators who know there MUST BE MORE to dissolve intergenerational patterns, build nervous system capacity, and connect you to the practical magic of your home and land with humility, salt-of-the-earth-groundedness, pee-your-pants laughter, and je ne said quoi magic. Her global social impact business values integrity, joy, aliveness, and dismantling white supremacy.
Amy offers private coaching, intensives, groups, and retreats in-person and virtually.
She lives outside of Washington, D.C. on the Doeg land she stewards with her cottage core loving teen, partner, and golden doodle.