Finding Belonging: Right Size & Right Place with Ancestors & Life
“The roots of this are not a somatic pattern. The roots of this are ancestral.”
If you’re an avid podcast listener, Thami from the last episode and Beauty from this episode know each other in real life! They’ve even been to one of my in-person retreats together.
They share an interrelatedness, and their ancestors have a special kind of connection. And it feels like a through line because when I heard from Beauty, I got right away that we'd be working with her ancestors for an ancestral entanglement.
Beauty has experienced group constellation sessions but never a 1:1 session. Her biggest hope for this session is to be free, free from this stuckness that’s left her feeling overwhelmed, scared, and anxious.
There will be emotion, deep healing, and a big focus on right-sizing in relationships. So with that, welcome in Beauty from South Africa!
You’ll especially want to tune into this client session if you, too:
» find it easy to make others think that they know you, but they don't actually know you
» find yourself repeating a pattern where you need to be ‘good’ or ‘perfect’
» feel like you’re never at the right place at the right time
» can’t remember a time I didn’t feel this way
» feel like you’ve had to swallow the truth
Topics covered in this podcast episode:
How Amy and Beauty have worked together so far
Beauty’s intention for the session today
How Amy’s able to know the roots of this are ancestral
The difference between group vs individual constellation work
The process of tuning in during an alchemical constellation session
What shared experience Beauty has with her ancestor
The ceremony to support this particular ancestral entanglement
Thank you to Beauty for her bravery and trust.
If you are in your own process and not really knowing why you're not moving forward, or it feels like what you say doesn't land, or you're questioning your contribution or legacy, I invite you to reach out to explore working with me.
Thank you for joining us and being a part of this journey!
To explore your own ancestral entanglement, the best step is to set up a 30-minute call. To do that, email me at: amy@amybabish.com
If this episode resonates, please leave a review on your favorite platform and share this episode with those who you think might benefit.
Until we meet again, I'm sending blessings from the Doeg land I steward.
Resources:
The unedited podcast transcript for this episode of The Soulful Visionary Podcast follows
Amy Babish:
Welcome to the Soulful Visionary Podcast. I'm your host, Amy Babish, and I am beyond honored and excited to have Beauty join us today. Beauty is joining us from South Africa, and I'm going to welcome her and invite her to introduce herself in a way that feels resonant. With her comfort place.
Beauty:
Amy, it's so good to be with you. Um, so my name is Sitembele Nkosini Beauty Ngcobo, um, and I am from KwaZulu-Natal in, um, South Africa, but of course I live in, in Cape Town for work. Um, but, but my people and, um, yeah, you know, when I'm in KZN, I feel free. So that's where home is for me. I'm still making home in Cape Town, but home is in KZN. So, but yeah, Beauty is, is my second name. But, um, so people either call me Beauty or they call me Stembelenkosini or Te for short, but that's who I am.
Amy Babish:
Welcome in, and welcome in, um, the lands of your home and the lands of the home that you're creating.
Beauty:
Thank you, Yumi.
Amy Babish:
So Beauty and I have known each other for about 4 years, and right before we got on, she said something. I said, can you share that with, with our audience? Because I think it's really true for many, many, many people.
Beauty:
So I was saying, I was saying that, I mean, every time, but especially coming to the podcast, was a— is, is a big act of bravery for me. Um, acts of bravery, acts of vulnerability. I think in, in my life, I've often Like, I told one of my friends a while ago that it's easy for me to make you think that you know me, but you don't actually know me. And so it's hard to hide when you're with Amy, so you have to be brave.
Beauty:
Yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
And we come a long way, and every time I get to know you a little bit more and your, and your systemic field and your ancestors a little bit more, I, I feel very honored and very humbled. Like, I can feel tears coming. I don't know why. So there's going to be some emotion. And it's interesting. Beauty knows, if you listen to my podcast, our previous guest, the previous episode is with Thami, and Thami and Beauty know each other. And they, they, they, they know me in a special— they have a special kind of context, and their ancestors have a special kind of context. And it feels like a through line because when I heard from Beauty, I got right away that we'd be working with her ancestors. It's an ancestral entanglement.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
And, um, when Thami was on, her ancestor really said to her, I've been with you since the beginning. And then she brought up— the ancestor brought up what happened at the first retreat, which was you and Thami, and then another person who won't share her name, and not, not a South African, an African woman. The 3 of you came up and said something to me. Do you remember? It was not you, but your ancestors speaking through you.
Beauty:
Do you remember?
Beauty:
I mean, I remember Um, just feeling like— oh, was it that thing about, about if, if you were African, you'd be a witch?
Amy Babish:
Yes.
Beauty:
You'd be a witch doctor. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, 100%. But I remember us also saying that the packaging of Amy is what makes it accessible for us. Because in our context, a person like you, and with our socialization and all of the histories that we carry, you wouldn't be someone that I could do this work with if you were from my context.
Amy Babish:
Yes.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So it's an interesting and complex bridge. And that, that conversation came almost 3 years after knowing each other. So it was another layer. And I feel like the ancestors were like, here, let me give you a little bridge to explain what that comment really means. So I received that in your human form, but through the ancestors speaking through you. So those ancestors are here with us today. And if you feel comfortable, could you share a little bit about your intention for today? And even just what you wrote to me in the email, because I think a lot of people will also resonate with that.
Beauty:
Yeah, yeah. I think for me it's— I've just— and this has been for a long time. I, I can't even think of a time where I didn't feel the way that I feel. Um, just feeling— and, and so what I mean by that is that it's a pattern of behavior or stuckness that happens over and over in my life. Um, and it just feels like I can't reach my potential. Like, I can't move into where I know I should be and do the work that I know I should be doing because I get overwhelmed and scared and anxious. Yeah, and so, like, even when I do get the opportunities I fumble. Like, I either procrastinate or just don't do it because it just feels like I literally in my head start saying, I can't actually, I can't do this. And it's not because of a lack of capability because I know that I can, but there's just something that I can't put my finger on. And maybe people from the outside might be like, oh, she's so lazy. But I don't think it's laziness. No, it's just like a stuckness. Yeah.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Beauty:
And so I guess my intention is I just, I don't want that anymore. I want to be free, free from that, free to— I think because part of this pattern, I think, is about being good or being perfect. And so I think I just want to break out of that. being good and being perfect and to be more of me, more me, and, and more with my heart, like to be more sure of my own heart, I think. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And this is all, this is all landing deeply, um, resonating when you talk about, um, you know you're capable of more. Do you have a shape and form of it, or does it feel evasive?
Beauty:
It feels evasive.
Beauty:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
So you have the feeling that you're capable, you know you're capable, you trust that you're capable, but then receiving like the vision or the clarity is— you're— it's so stagnant you can't see, you can't see the path forward.
Beauty:
Exactly, exactly.
Amy Babish:
Um, and, you know, when, when I, when I sit with somebody, when I'm in a session with somebody, I'm asking like, what is the roots of it? Because as a somatic practitioner, this would be the 3rd pattern, which is enduring, but it's not enduring.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
And that's where it's like a little bit tricky. And, um, enduring pattern is a somatic, um, developmental pattern where We don't do what's good for us, and we do what's not good for us. And people who carry enduring, if they've done a lot of somatic work, it can be really frustrating. And I'm thinking of a handful of clients where they're like, I am doing all the somatic practices, and you have done so much somatic work with me. And it's like, why can I not move forward?
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So this is, this is really important. And I think the other layer that comes up is We're recording this a couple days after the equinox. So you just had the spring equinox and we just had the fall equinox in the Northern Hemisphere. So you're in the southern and northern. And so I feel like there's something really important about that because enduring deals with the middle. It deals with our belly button. It deals with our stomach and spleen and pancreas. It deals with our solar plexus, like, so worthiness, all those things.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
But the roots of this are not a somatic pattern. The roots of this are ancestral.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
And so, um, we're basically asking your field to let us know where this belongs.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
And so you and I have done group constellations together, both in person in South Africa and then online virtually. And I know you listen to the podcast, but doing your own one-to-one constellation is a little bit different. It's a little bit different. So it can feel a bit more intimate. And I think that's what— like, I'm with somebody, I'm standing with somebody who has a lot of feelings, a lot of feelings.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
And so when we have a lot of feelings, but we can't digest them, it can be really overwhelming. And so you mentioned overwhelm. So I'm like, am I standing with the ancestor who has so much— like, my body feels kind of like from my solar plexus up, I have a lot of emotion, but then from my knees, really from my knees down to my feet, I feel like a lot of like energy, but I feel like my feet are planted in the earth. And my stomach, my stomach, when I hear that, I feel like really wobbly emotionally.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Beauty:
That lands so well because I have always been an emotional wreck. Like, I mean, I, I would grow up and my— I remember I just thinking of my mom saying to me, why are you crying? I was one of those children who just would weep and it'd be like, I don't— like, I just feel I'm feeling too much. I don't know what to say to you.
Beauty:
Yeah. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So I think you were with this ancestor from the very beginning. Sometimes ancestral integuments come at different points in life or different junctures, but this ancestor has been with you since before you incarnated.
Beauty:
Wow.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So that's powerful.
Beauty:
It's very powerful.
Amy Babish:
So we're going to ask— we can close our eyes, kind of like the tune-in we did, the group tune-ins and the group constellation. We're going to tune in individually. And your field and this ancestor will take us to the contexts that are meaningful. And so sometimes it's like we get different puzzle pieces and sometimes we're in the same part of the field. So you might, um, might happen in your 5 senses. You might look down and see your feet are in a different place.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
You know, ancestors speak to us in different ways. So this ancestor is 100% very willing. So we'll go in and we'll tune in.
Beauty:
Okay.
Amy Babish:
We have your intention. They're starting to emerge. What happened for you?
Beauty:
I got a shiver, like I feel— I don't know if I'm feeling cold or— and It's also like, it's a mixed bag. Like, I feel like open field, both like green, but also, I don't know if you've been— so in the villages, when a homestead is created, they kind of take away the grass in that area.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Beauty:
Just like if, for instance, like one of the houses catch fire so that the fire doesn't spread.
Beauty:
Yes.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, I could tell it was fire management.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Beauty:
So it's also kind of like in a place like that, but also immediately when you were like, we're gonna go somewhere, I felt like I was in a— this won't make sense to you American listeners, but a rondavel.
Amy Babish:
You're just straight.
Beauty:
Rondavel is like those round Houses.
Beauty:
Okay.
Beauty:
Uh, um, often where you have to like kneel to go in, but it's a really cool environment, dark environment, because of kind of like managing the weather. It's, it's a structure that kind of manages the weather on its own. So I feel like I'm in that kind of village place.
Amy Babish:
Oh yeah, yeah, there's a lot of energy when you say that. And I can feel how protected it is.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And what do you notice in your body as you start to kind of orient to where we are?
Beauty:
I have a lot of feelings in my chest.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Beauty:
And kind of like my upper spine. Kind of like that cold Sensation still. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And I feel really cold. I mean, it's a little cold here today too, but I have a blanket on my lap and I— listeners can't see, I have like a sweater vest on. It's cold. I was extra cold and I have hot water and hot tea. So I felt the cold before we came. So I feel like we might be— even though South Africa can have like 4 seasons in 1 day, I feel like we're in the winter. We're in the winter, um, where the, the winds are intense. That's what I kind of feel. Um, I'm wondering if this ancestor is willing to introduce themselves to you. What happens?
Beauty:
It's weird because in my culture we don't refer to elders by name.
Beauty:
Yes, yes.
Beauty:
So in, in, you know, Elder male is Baba. Yes, to us. Yes. And so I just felt Baba.
Beauty:
Yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
And I don't know if there's like a differentiation for like, you know, in English we would say like grandfather, great-grandfather, great-great-grandfather. Is there like a Baba designator?
Beauty:
So Baba is any male that is your father's age.
Beauty:
Mhm.
Beauty:
And any male that would be your grandfather's age would then be mkhulu.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Beauty:
And then anyone older than mkhulu then becomes ukoko.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Beauty:
Yeah, so this person feels like Baba age.
Amy Babish:
Okay, so he might be that age, but I think we're in a different time. I think we're with I'm not sure if I'll say it correctly.
Beauty:
Nkoko? Okay, yeah.
Amy Babish:
And it's when he was the age of Baba. What do you notice when I say that, when I name that?
Beauty:
It lands for me. Yeah, but my thumb started tingling, like up my arms like that. Yeah.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. Like the energy's really active. Yeah, I can feel it. My arms are also active. Like, so sometimes when that happens in a constellation, it's like he's holding something. And you could ask him, it could be a metaphor. It could be he's actually had to help hold something like emotional or spiritual. You could ask him, what have you been holding that I'm also holding that's stuck?
Beauty:
It feels hard, hard to say.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Beauty:
Yeah, I kind of— my teeth, my mouth started doing something, and it feels like— I don't know if not allowed to say or— yeah, but there's a— like, it's hard to say.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, so we can just— we'll slow it down a little bit, and you can ask him if he knows he's dead. Because sometimes they don't know.
Beauty:
I think yes, but don't want to be.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. Yeah, so something's going on and you can tell him who you are.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
Like you're in the year 2026, where you live, why you, why you want to talk to him. What happens now?
Beauty:
I feel like settling, like, yeah, okay, let's sit down.
Beauty:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
I think him understanding your come-from place is really important, and I know he can hear me, um, but sometimes ancestors, even though they kind of all talk Sometimes, just like we're in a classroom, you teach, not everybody wants to listen to the teacher. You said it to the whole class, but not everybody's listening.
Beauty:
So I feel—
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
I have a sense with him that maybe his peer group in the ancestral realm has been like, we can, we can get you out of the stuckness. But he was like, I don't wanna, like, This is what it is. You can check in with him about that, and, and you can say, you know, I carry that for you, and, and it's not working for me anymore, and I don't think it's working for you too. Not to disrespect you. No disrespect, elder.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Beauty:
I think he knows that it's not working.
Beauty:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Beauty:
Knows that it's not working, but I don't know, it's like maybe the thing that he's holding is broken, but there's something about Yeah, you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking about when I was at home the last time, my mom, um, spoke about a slate. Do you know what a slate is? Like the thing that you used to, to write?
Amy Babish:
Yes.
Beauty:
Yeah. So it's kind of like something like that that broke or that is broken, but I don't know.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. So you can ask him, um, did his life take a turn when this thing broke? Like, it feels like someone was keeping track, or like a ledger, like, or like a misrepresentation of something that was official. I don't know, the words are hard for me too. It's something about his intentions because I can feel my spleen is really active. So his, his intentions were misrepresented, I think.
Beauty:
Immediately when you said that, I started to physically kind of shiver.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, yeah.
Beauty:
Yeah, it feels like everything changed, like everything— he became scared or unsafe.
Amy Babish:
Um, yeah, um, it feels like within the village at his— the time of this age when he was in his 30s, someone gave him a bad rap and it wasn't what really happened. And it feels like they threatened him. He, he didn't do anything wrong in real life, but they threatened him and they wanted him to take the blame for something, and it created a stuckness, like a, like a, like he was paralyzed.
Beauty:
Um, I can feel that it's like my whole body is feeling like it's vibrating. So like a feeling of unsteadiness, like kind of like without my— like, who am I now that people no longer know me as that?
Amy Babish:
Yeah, yeah. And this to me makes sense also when you kind of started out sharing today where you're like, people think they know me and they don't really know me. So you carry, you carry his, like, maybe not right-sized guardedness.
Beauty:
It's making me emotional.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can say, you can tell them whatever the truth is. Like, I've had people that I thought I could trust, and they, and they, they betrayed me. And so I have walls too, but I carry extra walls that are your walls.
Beauty:
I definitely carry extra walls, and it's— I don't know, I think it's interesting because that makes it so that the people who do deserve your trust don't get your trust.
Amy Babish:
Yes, it's heartbreaking because we're kind of like one size fits all then. Like, how do I know won't hurt me? How do I know you won't betray me? And I, I like make you into a monolith. It's not safe, and that's exhausting.
Beauty:
So exhausting.
Amy Babish:
And it's overwhelming.
Beauty:
Very overwhelming. Yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
And You can say to him, like, there's, there's a way forward. Do you need me to understand, like, what really hap— like, do you need to say the thing to me because you're safe?
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Beauty:
Kind of feels like he may have been in charge of whatever the wealth was, the wealth thing was at that time.
Amy Babish:
I get that he was accused of stealing money.
Beauty:
So it was someone stole, and then it— because he was in charge of management, the management of that, and he, he took the blame.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, yeah, they made him take the blame. I feel like he was threatened. And it was really like he kind of was sure of himself before this, like, I've worked hard, people trust me, this is an important role, I'm contributing. And then like to have it like be taken out underneath his feet.
Beauty:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Beauty:
And I think really feeling like this is the thing that made him special, you know, in the, in the In the community.
Beauty:
And yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
And we can ask him, is there anybody he felt like he could tell, even if it was like a spiritual, like seen or unseen?
Beauty:
Feels like there was like a maternal figure, but he couldn't tell everything. Like, immediately when you asked that question, it felt like I swallowed something and it, it Was— it came locked up in my stomach.
Amy Babish:
Yes, he swallowed the truth. Yeah, I can feel it, like it broke his heart to swallow the truth. I think she tried to help him, but he was like protecting her.
Beauty:
Yeah. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Do you feel like you can tell him about the times where you had to swallow the truth?
Beauty:
Yeah, I think I resonate with, like, because for him, I feel like, you know, he felt like if he told this maternal figure everything, then she would be part of the accusation, kind of like guilty by association.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Beauty:
And I think I definitely carry that myself. And I think it's too— it's like it's two-folded. Like, I think the one element is kind of maybe the casualty of growing up in the church, of kind of feeling like if you do tell the truth, then you can't keep the image that people— that you think people have of you. Which is, I mean, interesting because you never know what image people have of you.
Beauty:
Yes.
Beauty:
Yeah, but having that kind of being— so then you become guarded about what you say or how you are with people because you have to maintain this whatever persona.
Amy Babish:
The good girl.
Beauty:
The good girl. Yeah, because it's not safe to not be a good girl.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And I feel like that's what happened to him. And what happens with you and him when we share that?
Beauty:
Yeah, it definitely feels like a shared experience and very emotional.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, very emotional. Yeah, yeah, it's important. I believe you feel this way. You know, never say anything that's not true. This is the, you know, the important part of this work, that we believe him.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
And this process isn't going to be shaming or gaslighting him.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Beauty:
That feels like a relief.
Amy Babish:
Like, it feels—
Beauty:
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think when you're trying— when you try to— I mean, when your identity is taken away and then you try to build a semblance of goodness again. It's, it's, um, yeah, it's, it's hard to be at rest, like to breathe.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, that's a mask. We all wear many masks, and many of them are out of survival, but also some of them are out of confusion. And it's so much energy to wear a mask. No matter what the reason, survival or confusion or both. It feels like, um, the invitation is for you and this ancestor to maybe go a couple generations back. Behind this ancestor and invite in the ancestors that could, um, offer a ceremony.
Beauty:
Hmm.
Amy Babish:
It feels like it's, um, a ritual where either symbolically or energetically or spiritually, they will kind of do a spiritual surgery where they take out what he stuffed down. And what you have had to stuff down. So if we were in person, it would— we would do something like we did together.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
And the ancestors know what to do. But I, I don't know if we're around a fire. I feel like we're around a fire and that the contents, the psycho-spiritual and energetic contents and the lived experience, the emotions Will be offered to the fire for alchemy. But there's other things that I don't know about that it's above my pay grade that they want to they want to help you both with. I'm not invited to this fire, and I respect, I respect. So we'll just— just close your eyes and the ancestors will help both of you.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
What happens now?
Beauty:
It felt like, you know, when people are crumping and kind of like that motion of circular motion?
Beauty:
Yes.
Beauty:
It felt like that kind of circular motion.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Beauty:
And it felt like there was a naming of things, were named around the fire. Yeah, kind of like, you know, in court when a sentence is being given, like kind of just saying that something happened and it's on record.
Amy Babish:
Where I was standing in the field, they drummed so loud I was not allowed to hear it. So I was— I wasn't trying to lean in, just for those of you who don't know me. I was not leaning in, but they were like extra careful, like this is official business. I said, I respect, I respect. What do you notice in your body now?
Beauty:
I notice my feet. Yeah. Um, still my chest. It feels— I don't know, it feels like he's in disbelief. Um, you know.
Amy Babish:
You can tell him you know about that.
Beauty:
I know so much about that.
Amy Babish:
This is par for the course with this lady.
Beauty:
100%.
Beauty:
Yeah, yeah.
Beauty:
And I think it just— for him, I think it just feels like he needs more of the community, like more of the kind of hug Like belonging, kind of.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, he needs to be welcomed back to his place. Right size, right place. He's not this person that they made him out to be. He's just himself. And belonging, like he can find his rightful place of belonging where he belongs.
Beauty:
Yeah, exactly that.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And is there anything the ancestors want to say to you directly?
Beauty:
It's very, um, It feels like a special message for me.
Amy Babish:
Yes, of course. I can see it on your face. Yeah, you can say, I've been waiting for this my whole life.
Beauty:
I've been waiting for this my whole life.
Amy Babish:
I, I know I needed this.
Beauty:
I know I needed this.
Amy Babish:
And I'm ready for it now. I'm ready to take it and receive it.
Beauty:
I'm ready to take it and receive it.
Amy Babish:
This is a truth I will swallow and digest.
Beauty:
This is the truth I will swallow and digest.
Amy Babish:
And the bigger field— oh, go ahead, go ahead.
Beauty:
No, I want to share because maybe this will help someone else, but it just felt like The message was, um, I don't get to sit with them because of what I do. Like, I, I sit with them because I belong to them.
Amy Babish:
That's right, because you are.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
You belong to them and they belong to you. You belong to each other. Yeah, that's the flow of life. And the bigger systemic field, you know, your ancestors were part of the systemic field. The systemic field wants me to share with you that beauty is only beauty when everything's included.
Beauty:
Hmm.
Amy Babish:
And part of beauty is the messy, inconvenient truth. It's part of the whole. And they don't, they don't want you to swallow things anymore. Just And let them sit. The true, true people, whole people in your life, whole ancestors, whole supports, they can always handle the inconvenient messy truth. And people that can't, that's not your people.
Beauty:
Hmm.
Amy Babish:
The messy inconvenient truth is never said to hurt somebody. It's never weaponized. It's never shaming. It's real messy, but it's, it's kind of like fiber. It can be digested. Maybe it's not a great taste, but it's important that your beauty— they named you beauty. Because you can contain the whole. Wow.
Beauty:
Yeah, yeah, I think that's such an important message for me. I think because a lot of my life spent trying to sift through the good and the bad, you know, and trying to exclude what I don't think fits beauty.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And that's, that's part of the confusion, that was part of the entanglement, because when you've been that betrayed, you kind of are searching for right, wrong, good, bad, and When things are whole, everything belongs. You know, really wonderful things, really neutral things, really detrimental things. And the things that are not meant to be, you literally just let that shit go. It's like, this is not— this is not for me.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
You have that discernment. And you can always check with your ancestors. They have your back. You can check with the, the wholeness. And like, is this— am I seeing this? Am I seeing the whole of this? Am I seeing the fullness of this? Is this even any of my business?
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
It's like, then you won't spin your wheels as much.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Beauty:
Yeah, that's a— that's an important one, I think, because yeah, I think part of, um, the overwhelm is taking on things that are not yours to take on, you know.
Amy Babish:
Um, right time, right place. Like, is this my role? Is this my responsibility? Yes, you have like your job roles, but you know, our path in life. We can love somebody and that cannot be— it's not for us.
Beauty:
Yep.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, and that's the humility of understanding everything belongs, and so everything can't be my responsibility. We all have roles.
Beauty:
Yeah, I'm just thinking now of, um, you would say a lot in the last retreat that, you know, kind of talking about that right-sizedness of, of saying I'm the little one.
Beauty:
Yes.
Beauty:
And you are the big one. And, you know, I think when we take on that responsibility, um, that is not yours, then you, you make yourself the big one when you actually are the little one.
Amy Babish:
That's right.
Beauty:
I think I do that a lot, A.B.
Amy Babish:
Well, you're seeing it differently now. The ancestors will always be the big ones. We will always be the little ones. But then whatever our legacy is, we are the big ones and they are the little ones. So we have multiple roles. We have multiple— we're, we're so complex, right? And so it's like when we're— when we have the flexibility to know this is my place in this context and this is my place in that context, then we're a bit clearer about, oh, okay, that's right size for this role, that's right size for that role. And then I don't— then I don't get confused when I look sideways and I'm like, why aren't you the big one of me? It's like, no, no, we're peers, we're equals. Yeah.
Beauty:
Right?
Amy Babish:
So it's like we start to understand that. It makes the relationships a lot cleaner, a lot clearer. And if someone's like, no, no, you be the big one for me, you're like, no, no, we're equals. It's like, no, I can't be the big one for you.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And that's— it's hard when someone loves you so much and like, please be the big one. And we just can't. The flow of life doesn't work like that.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So it's like the give and take. The give and take is so important and receiving, because when I try to be the big one when I'm the little one, I, I also then prevent someone from taking their place. And figuring it out and what their curriculum is, their path is. And so then I'm meddling, like, that's a whole hot mess. We don't want that.
Beauty:
Yeah, yeah, definitely. So much confusion.
Beauty:
Yeah, yeah.
Beauty:
Yeah, I think for me, like, all of this has definitely— yeah, it's even, you know, in even around the fire, everyone has their position.
Amy Babish:
That's right.
Beauty:
You know? Yeah. Um, so their contribution—
Amy Babish:
It's like, this is like, sometimes my contribution is just to be at the fire. Like, that's more than enough, right? And then we have the person that makes the fire. We have the person that has the water in case the fire gets out of control. Everybody's role is important. We have the person or the people that are watching the kids so they don't get burned at the fire. Like, everybody's role— we need everybody. It takes a village. But when we, we get confused and we think we are the village, we are in trouble.
Beauty:
So much trouble. So much trouble. Overwhelming. Like, you create overwhelm that shouldn't be there.
Beauty:
Yeah, yeah.
Beauty:
I think false sense of self-sufficiency, I think. Um, yeah.
Amy Babish:
It's a real thing in modern times, because in postmodern times, if you put your mind to it, you should be able to do it, versus is this even me, or is this really what I want to do? Or, you know, it's not just me doing it. I have the support of my systemic field, my ancestors, my guides. If I believe in God, God.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
You know, the angels. nature, Mother Earth. There's so many layers of support. It's not just me.
Beauty:
Like, I'm not—
Amy Babish:
I'm not the one who's doing it. It's coming through me. But I also know that it's coming through a lot of other people in a lot of other flavors and a lot of other gifts. We all need different things.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So it's like, I think moving forward for you, beauty, it's like you know, taking time to be with them.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
You know, like a contemplation practice, or, you know, just in your heart space where you're asking, help me to refine what my, what my right-sized role is, what my contribution is. And I understand now that I'm worthy of belonging. And I also would like to make a contribution in my live life. And that might be All kinds of things. It might be professional, it might be personal, it might be building community, it might be interpersonal. It's like, help me to be more— this is not an Amy word— judicious with my energy and my contributions, like more refined.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Beauty:
That lands with me, Amy.
Amy Babish:
Yes, because then it's not like you have to like overthink it. And sometimes we don't like what they suggest. They're like, no, no, we want you to— we recommend this. And you're like, really? It's like I have to really sit with it. I'm not like a robot.
Beauty:
Really?
Amy Babish:
That's what you want me to do? It's my choice. It's my free will. But I have to sit with, why did you want me to do that? What's my mistake that I can't see the gift in that? They're not trying to control us ever. That's not an ancestor. That's some thwarting of some sort. You know, you know the difference. But yeah, for those listening who don't know about that, like, no ancestor is going to shame you, gaslight you, tell you to do anything bad or wrong. They might give you some hard, brave tasks that are uncomfortable, But that's, that's the extent of that, right? So it's, it's kind of like, oh, am I sitting with what the invitations are from them? It's like, oh, you, you put me in this space. I couldn't see it at first, but you helped me be in this space. You guided me to this choice. You guided me to this invitation. You contributed to this process. You know, like, thank you. And I'm a little nervous still, right?
Beauty:
Right.
Amy Babish:
Like, help stand with me when I take the next step.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Will I still belong when I'm super brave? The bravery you're asking of me.
Beauty:
Hmm.
Amy Babish:
And you can't hear it. I know my windows are closed, but like tons of birds are talking right now. Like, it's like the ancestors are active. Your ancestors are active in my backyard, in the woods, in the hardwoods. Yes, they're like nonstop talking now.
Beauty:
Wow, that's so funny because the first thing I heard when I woke up was birds. Even when I was downstairs washing dishes, I was like, at this, at this hour of the day, why are there birds?
Amy Babish:
Yeah, and as I say it, I can remember driving past your house the last time I was there, seeing you.
Beauty:
It's like, what a love—
Amy Babish:
what a lovely vision. It's like, oh, the field is so wise.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Like, you get to come home, they get to be with you, and they get to help you leave the home with different— a different awareness of you're with them, and that they will help kind of hone and refine where your focus is going, where your clarity is. It feels very gentle. It doesn't feel harsh.
Beauty:
Yeah, yeah, I really appreciate that because I think I carry a lot of like fear of failure. I'm just thinking like, Amy, I was— it was probably the week of graduating, like when I was doing my undergrad. So that's not a time to like be sad and scared, but I was so— I was a wreck. And the Like, what was occupying my mind the whole time was, I'm so scared that I'm not going to reach my potential. Oh, I'm so scared that I'm not going to reach my potential. And so I really appreciate that, like, it's okay, you'll get where you need to get to, you know?
Beauty:
Like, yeah.
Amy Babish:
And also, it wasn't yours. It wasn't yours. You were carrying this It was the entanglement. What were you going to say?
Beauty:
And also, yeah, because I think when you're in that frenzy of like, I'm, I'm never gonna be who I'm meant to be, it's, it's hard to discern what, you know, where to go, what to do, because, because it always feels like the train has left you. Like, you're not at the right place. You're never at the right place at the right time. So I appreciate that. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
And that was his experience. He thought he was at the right place at the right time. And he was, he, you know, it was his part of his lived experience. But it didn't feel like it. So I could feel the second guessing, like, if I would have just made this different, if I was at a different place at a different time, this wouldn't have happened.
Beauty:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So you carry that, like, rumination. It's, it's done now, but you carried that with him. So he's free and you're free. It will take time to integrate. It will take time to integrate. Um, it will take for you about 24 hours, which is very quick.
Beauty:
You've been working with that for a while.
Amy Babish:
And then, you know, if you want, you don't have to.
Beauty:
It's not a must.
Amy Babish:
But you know the meditations from Insight Timer that I have? I have one for integration. The integration one might be helpful for you as needed, as you, as you feel that you get the nudge from the ancestors, it will help you go a little deeper.
Beauty:
Yeah. Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Amazing. Is there anything else before we close up?
Beauty:
No, I think I'm good because I was just, you know, after that whole process of the ritual and stuff, I was sitting with the anxiety of, okay, so what? So what is my purpose? But I don't have that question anymore, like, because it feels like I'm safe, I'm guided, I'm guarded.
Beauty:
Like, yeah.
Beauty:
And, you know, like, you know, people like to say what's for you will not leave you, but it's that thing that—
Beauty:
Yes.
Beauty:
What is for me to contribute to? will be for me to contribute to. That's right.
Amy Babish:
And when your heart is settled and you feel that, like, you feel like someone has your back now, your ancestors have your back, then the wisdom of like, oh, this is the contribution, I could see it differently. Even like what you're doing might feel different. You trust it more, you trust yourself more, and people receive the contribution differently.
Beauty:
Hmm, that's—
Beauty:
yeah, yeah, I love that. I love that because, you know, sometimes we would have like meetings and projects, and sometimes, Amy, it would feel like I'm saying— I'm speaking in a language that people don't understand, you know?
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Beauty:
And I'd be like, I thought that was really good. Like, I'd be like— because it, you know, when people— you can feel it when people have heard you.
Beauty:
Yes.
Beauty:
And you can, you know, when people are just like, that's weird, you can be like— you can also feel it when it doesn't— when what you're saying doesn't land. And like, I have kind of noticed that a few times that I'll be like, what? And then I feel like, do I need to expand? Like, give me another opportunity.
Amy Babish:
That was part of the entanglement. He, he, there was no place for his contribution to land after that, after that event, that tragedy. Thank you to you and your field and your ancestors, and for your bravery and for your trust. And thank you to all those who have joined us on this journey. And if you are in your own process and not really knowing why you're not moving forward, or it feels like what you say doesn't land, or you're questioning your contribution or legacy, I invite you to reach out to explore working with me. I've had a couple inquiries lately around, is this appropriate for the podcast? Sometimes it's very appropriate and sometimes a bit more complicated, and some ancestors don't want to be on the podcast, in fact. So, so it's— there are many layers to being on the podcast itself, and the best step is just to email me and set up a 30-minute call. My email is amy@amybabish.com, and I send the blessings of truly belonging and knowing that you are worthy just as you are. And if there has been a big rupture in your lineage and it feels like an abyss between you and them, there's processes for that too.
Beauty:
Mm-hmm.
Amy Babish:
Um, and if it's not about your ancestors, it might be about the big known and unknown universe. I work on that too. So there's always a way. And I wish you well with the curriculum you have and the big life you came to live because all hands on deck, we need it right now. So sending you so much gratitude from the Doeg land that I steward outside of Washington, D.C., and saying blessings to you, beauty, outside of Cape Town.
Beauty:
Thank you, Amy.
Beauty:
Thank you.
Amy Babish:
Thank you. Thank you.