Constellation Work for a Difficult Fertility Journey
“I'm at the threshold of deep interpersonal change because that's all that's left.”
This is really tender and sacred ground we're on for this client session. After having quite a lengthy fertility journey, Sarah sought out constellation work because, as she said, “that’s all that’s left to try.”
She desperately wants a healthy baby, more joy, and abundance in general.
I've worked with many women over the years in wanting to become mothers in their 40s, women who’ve prioritized their career, and women who find themselves struggling with infertility.
People of all genders find alchemical constellation work when they’ve thrown everything at the problem and nothing is taking care of the issue.
They’re often doing everything “right” and it “doesn’t make sense” that the situation hasn’t changed.
You’ll especially want to tune into this client session if you, too:
» get messages as body sensations
» have had a trying fertility journey
» are a sexual abuse survivor
» want to feel supported
» deeply feel unworthy
**TW: This conversation includes mentions of sexual trauma, rape, & miscarriage. If you choose to listen, take gentle care.
Topics covered in this podcast episode:
What Sarah’s fertility journey has been like
What all Sarah has tried to become pregnant
Why people turn to constellation work
How you receive messages during ancestral work
How to track back to the entangled ancestor
If constellation work can be done with adoptees
What to know for ancestral work if you have a history of sexual trauma
Why yawning is a good indicator during these client sessions
If it’s possible for there to be layered entanglements
What to do if the entangled ancestor isn’t willing to share the full story
Why in TCM we work with the heart and the womb for conception
What work Amy does to prepare for a constellation work session
Which card Amy pulled before Sarah’s session
My intention for this conversation, as always, is to come with a clean heart and hands and be of service to you, your ancestors, and your legacy.
Join Sarah and I for this deeply healing constellation work session. You’ll especially want to stick around to hear the cards and crystals pulled prior to our call which tie everything together.
Until we meet again, may you receive all the love and blessings.
Resources:
Connect with Amy:
The unedited podcast transcript for this episode of The Soulful Visionary Podcast follows
Amy Babish:
Have you ever felt like there's something more just waiting to be unlocked in your life? Like no matter how much you've accomplished, a deeper potential is calling. Welcome to the Soulful Visionary Podcast, where I guide you to align with your authentic self and create a life of purpose, love and lasting impact. A life where you can truly soar beyond what your mind can comprehend. I'm your host, Amy Babish, a licensed psychotherapist and an expert in somatic coaching, feng shui and wisdom traditions. With over 20 years of experience guiding thousands of clients through soul level transformation. Each week we'll dive into potent practices, live client sessions and insightful conversations to help you dissolve intergenerational patterns and transcend your upper limits so that you can live the big life you are meant to live. Tune in and let's unlock your inner wisdom together. Welcome to the Soulful Visionary Podcast.
Amy Babish:
I'm your host, Amy Babish and today I'm welcoming in Sarah. Sarah, welcome in. Sarah and I have had a pre podcast chat and then a little bit of an email and that was about two and a half weeks ago. So where are you today, Sarah, with what you'd like to work on?
Sarah:
Thank you so much for doing this and for having me. Just before this I had a big old cry session about feeling unworthy of passing on my own genes in a child. So I think that is top on my mind is what is it that you know, I think I mentioned this to you before, but this feeling of wanting to be more open to life in all ways and being more playful and flowing with life and more receptive and part of that would be pregnancy, part of that would be money, part of that would just be joy and love and connection with people in a really just more relaxed way. But before this I thought I should see what's there before we jump on this sessions. And I was like, oh, okay. So what came up was this feeling of I want to, like let's imagine having my own child. And I just felt this intense, like, no, there's nothing good in you to pass on and a real sense of unworthiness that I hadn't felt before.
Amy Babish:
So that's present. Okay, okay. So this, this is present and based on, you know, the email touch point that we had in the middle, it also feels like probably weaving in that when you really got clear, like I actually do want to have baby because that was part of our pre chat conversation you said. I also realized that I don't want to just feel depleted, unnourished and Unsupported, like the two common model for motherhood in the US and you said after decades I'm starting to feel nourished myself and I don't want to lose this when it's so fresh and new and long overdue. It feels like gender roles and support I'm bristling at, not at the baby, which of course ties into money and because if I was making more money I could hire more support, et cetera. So I think it's really important, you know, when we, when we go into the ancestral field, the more specific we can be really, it gives like more potency to the work. So definitely we have, we have the emotionality that came up and the unworthiness. But I also want to weave, want to weave this in.
Amy Babish:
So just going to copy and paste this up into my note right now. So I'm going to reflect your intention back to you and then you can tell me if we, if we've got it. Okay. I'm wanting to be open to life in all ways and more receptive to pregnancy, money, joy and love. Then I'm, I'm hit with nothing good. There's nothing good in me to pass on. I'm unworthy of passing on my own genes. I also feel like I don't want to be depleted, unnourished, unsupported in the too common model of motherhood in the US And I'm afraid that I can't get more support because I don't make any more money.
Amy Babish:
So it's kind of like that, that double bind that comes up, does that feel like that encompasses. When I, when we do this work, we are talking about the intention and then when we know we're kind of really on the hotspot, it's like this is what comes up every time or in a potent way when I go to do my intention. So that's what we call like the entanglement or the resistance which is also part of the intention we're working with.
Sarah:
Yeah, yeah. That really captures it that I want to have my own child, but I feel like maybe I'm not good enough for that and that maybe I'd be a not great mom. Which part of me knows isn't true. And another part of me feels like I see signs of it in myself when I'm already tired and I get self centered and want other people. You know that feeling of being victimized and. Yeah, so it captured it really well.
Amy Babish:
And you know, this, this is really tender and sacred ground. I would say that we're on. And I shared with with you before we said yes to the podcast that I've worked with many women over the years in their 40s who either prioritize career or who struggle with infertility. And would you be willing to share with the listeners how long you've been on the path of pursuing fertility?
Sarah:
Oh, yes. So we started trying six years ago, and we got pregnant on the very first try and then miscarried quite early. And the miscarriage was, like, a. A beautiful experience spiritually, in a way. I felt very open, and I felt like I finally, during that few weeks, like, understood the role. My role in life, like, to be the best shepherd in a way. Like, I was not in control, and there wasn't anything I could do about it, but I could be the best vehicle and do my best. And it was just very clear all of a sudden what my relationship was with life in general.
Sarah:
And that was really lovely. I also felt very proud of myself, which was a feeling I hadn't had before.
Amy Babish:
And.
Sarah:
And, like, I could give this really. I just was really proud. Like, I. I could do this for my husband. Like, I could finally give something to someone else that was worth, like, good. And I just. Yeah, I felt powerful, which I hadn't felt before. And, like, I had the right to my own opinion and to draw boundaries.
Sarah:
And so it was a really beautiful experience, however short. And we never got pregnant again. So I thought it would be super easy because it was really easy the first time. Oh. The other thought I have was everybody's going to be mad at me because everything's easy for me. And I. I tend to. I have a belief that I make everything difficult and I go too deep, and I overthink, and I, you know, I researched too much, and then it turns out I chose the wrong thing, even though I did 100 hours of research.
Sarah:
And so it was a strange feeling to feel like, oh, it's. Everything comes too easy to me. People are going to be upset who are struggling. So it's been six years, and we've tried. We've done two rounds of IVF and three IUIs, which are like little turkey basters. Basically, that's the cervix. I've had a couple surgeries, and there's nothing wrong. There's just nothing physically wrong, except perhaps that I'm over 40 now, but I wasn't then.
Amy Babish:
But. So there's a. There's a lot. This is a long Runway. And, yeah.
Sarah:
I've done spirit baby work. I've done hypnosis. Meditations, sound healings, physical body work, womb healings, the. What do they call them? The yoni steams.
Amy Babish:
Like you've thrown everything at this.
Sarah:
Acupuncture, Chinese medicine. Yep, yep. I've tried all the things and now I'm at the threshold of, like, deep interpersonal change. Because that's all that's left.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, yeah. And what I. What I share with a lot of guests is that many people find this work of constellation work, um, when they have thrown everything at it. And it doesn't make sense either. It feels like I'm out of options. It feels like no matter what I do, I get this end result. And in this case, it's. I'm not able to get pregnant.
Amy Babish:
And I'm also not able to have, you know, that openness to life in all ways, it's me. It's mirrored in the experience with pregnancy, but with money and joy too. So it's oftentimes it's mirrored in other places, other, other expressions of our life. And so my intention today is to come with a clean heart and clean hands and be of service to you, your ancestors, and your legacy. Thank you. So we're going to go in and, you know, you've done a lot of personal work, so the way that we do it might not be unfamiliar, but, you know, we'll. We'll see what else is there. So the first layer we do is called a tune in.
Amy Babish:
And so you're just going to presence the intention and you can breathe into it like you would breathe in anything. And you might get images, you might hear sounds, you might get somatic sensations. And we're just kind of literally like tuning the dial of, of a radio. We're in our 40s, so we know about radio dials. We're not, we're not only on Spotify in this, in this conversation. So we're tuning the dial to your ancestral field or your system systemic field. That's my invisalign talking, a little bit of list. So when we tune in, it's like we're touching base with it.
Amy Babish:
So we're going to just both close our eyes and I'll tune in and you'll tune in and we'll just see what you notice. And when you. When you have something, you can open your eyes and let me know what you found. Okay.
Sarah:
I don't have any visuals or thoughts, but it's like if I was built out of four Legos, like the Lego that is the top right quadrant of my chest and head feels heavy.
Amy Babish:
Okay, that's perfect. We just get. We just get what we get. So this next layer we start, we go in a very systematic way. So the next layer is we're going to invite in your mom behind your left shoulder and your dad behind your right shoulder. And you're going to ask each of them individually, do you carry this pattern of feeling like there's nothing good inside, there's nothing good in me to pass on, and that it's hard for you to let life and joy and love and money in? Do you feel like you're in a double bind, that you'll lose yourself if you get something?
Sarah:
So those questions have, like, different answers. So. Yeah, on my dad's side, it was yes to the nothing good to pass on and hard to open.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
And then that didn't. That wasn't on my mom's side. And on my mom's side, it's the. The double bind.
Amy Babish:
Okay. And in your own body, as you feel into it, does any physical side feel like when we started, you said, oh, it's the top right quadrant. Now, in this moment, are you getting any more somatic sensations as you. As you tune into your parents?
Sarah:
Yeah, the. Again, like, that top right quadrant, it's like. It's like a straight line up the middle, and it feels like kind of like achy, collapsed, but, like, with a warmth.
Amy Babish:
Okay. And when you. When you heard your parents give you the responses, did it feel like there was more energy or more like, intensity in either one of them, or did they feel about equal?
Sarah:
I don't really feel much on the left.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
So I didn't. Yeah, I didn't feel much on that.
Amy Babish:
So we're, We're. We follow where the energy is and where the, like, flow of life is or isn't in one or more intense ways. And so it feels like there's more intensity for you with your dad and the paternal lineage. So we're gonna. We're gonna go down the paternal lineage, and the next question you're gonna ask your dad is this feeling of there's nothing good to pass on, and it's hard to open. Did this start with you, like, meeting him?
Sarah:
No.
Amy Babish:
Okay. So we're gonna. We'll go through a few generations. If it feels like it's repetitive or wild, we have another strategy. But we're just gonna kind of gently make contact with the field. So then we're gonna bring his parents behind his shoulders like we did with yours. So his mom is going to be behind his left shoulder, and his dad is going to be behind his right shoulder. And you're going to ask your grandparents individually, do you carry this pattern? And then did it start with you?
Sarah:
I just feel it on the right side, and it's like a stabbing pain in my shoulder blade on the back of my heart.
Amy Babish:
Okay, that's. That's a clear yes.
Sarah:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. Okay.
Sarah:
I was expecting it on the other side, but I don't. There's, like, nothing. It's fine.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, that's. Yeah, we're just gonna. We're gonna see what's in the field. So now we're gonna go to your grandfather's parents, your great grandparents, and put your grandfather's parents in the same way. His mom behind his left shoulder and his dad behind his right shoulder.
Sarah:
It's like. I feel like my throat is moving back and forth and feels very confused on his dad's side.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
And I think it's because I. He had biological parents and then he had adopted parents.
Amy Babish:
Oh, okay. Sorry. I didn't realize that that's an important distinction.
Sarah:
Yeah. So I think his mom died in childbirth maybe.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
Not with him. And then his dad, I don't know, gave him to his uncle.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
And his uncle and his. I don't know, raised him. But they. They weren't great. They weren't great.
Amy Babish:
So we're going to go and ask your grandfather specifically for his biological parents. So there is a time and a place to work with adoptive parents. But for what we're doing today, we're going to work with his biological parents. So ask him to bring his biological mother behind his left shoulder and his biological father behind his right shoulder.
Sarah:
I still just feel on the right.
Amy Babish:
Okay, that's okay. We're gonna. We're gonna just keep. We're gonna keep going, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we'll. We'll. If we get to the fourth or fifth generation and it's still, like, just very intense, we're gonna.
Amy Babish:
We have another process. We just want to do our due diligence of checking. So we're going to go to your great grandfather and we're going to ask him to place his. We'll just be specific in case we don't know about adoption. We're going to ask him to place his biological mother behind his left shoulder and his biological father behind his right shoulder.
Sarah:
The mom. It's like, so tense in my throat and jest.
Amy Babish:
Okay. And then what about your great great grandfather?
Sarah:
I don't feel anything.
Amy Babish:
Okay. So we're gonna ask her. Your great great grandmother. Ask her. Do you carry this pattern of feeling like there's nothing good in me to pass on unworthy of passing on my jeans. I can't let life in. I can't let pregnancy in. I can't let money, joy, or love.
Sarah:
I just feel like. I feel like my. All the. Like, the sensation in my body went down into my pelvis.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
And it was very clear. Like, it starts with me.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
Not me, but her.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. Yes, yes, yes.
Sarah:
Yeah. And I just feel, like, really, just like a heaviness in my pelvis now.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
Like, it's, like, drained out of the head.
Amy Babish:
Yep. And you as Sarah and this journey of six years of understanding yourself and fertility, have you ever felt that kind of heaviness before in your own journey?
Sarah:
Well, it's interesting because I'm. I'm actually trying to cultivate a sensation like this. It's not quite the same.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
But I've had. I have a history of sexual trauma, so I tend to keep all of my body weight up in my shoulders and chest and neck. So I'm trying to learn how to trust my lower body and to give weight down. Like, for example, driving in the car, if I'm the passenger, every turn I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. My husband's like, calm down. And I realize it's because I'm not putting weight.
Sarah:
Weight in my hips. So every little turn is like, this catastrophic tension for me as I try to brace against it.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
So it's not his driving. And so, like, that feeling of, like, heaviness and groundedness is something I'm trying to cultivate, but this feels like a little collapsed and sad.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
And I suppose I. I feel. I feel alternatingly, perhaps, like, numb and actually, I don't have anything to finish that sentence.
Amy Babish:
Okay. Just dumb. So you can. You can say to her, I'm trying to understand the pain that you carry. I'm your. I'm your great great granddaughter, and I carry a lot of pain in my womb, too.
Sarah:
I'm just seeing some pretty, like, graphic violence that I don't want to repeat out loud on this.
Amy Babish:
Oh, this is. This is the podcast for that. It's. Yeah. I'm just saying, like, is it domestic violence? Is it sexual violence?
Sarah:
Sexual violence with, like, a lot of, like, forceful covering of her mouth.
Amy Babish:
Okay. And you can say to her in your own way, I know about this, too. This is part of my lived experience.
Sarah:
I'm just yawning a lot.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, yeah, the yawnings, like, you're coming out of a freeze. Yeah.
Sarah:
Yeah. I'm just. I'm feeling a lot of physical sensations.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
It feels like my jaw's loosening.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. What happens as you. As you share with her? I also have my own understanding of sexual trauma. Yeah. Yeah. Take your time, Sarah.
Sarah:
It feels like it's like, way back in, like, my occipital lobe. It's like.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
It's, like, buzzing a little. And like, my ears are really clogged.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. And there's tears coming. A lot of yawning. Lots of yawning. Yeah. Yeah.
Sarah:
It doesn't. It's. It's like. It's like that statement of. I understand it too. It's like, it's not met with, like, compassion. It's like. It's like f this.
Sarah:
Like. Yeah. Women.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
Like, there's a little bit of, like, suck it up. It's what we do. It's what we deal with.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
This is our, like, lot in life.
Amy Babish:
And can. Can she show us historically where she's at, like, either the land or what's happening in her community? Because that's a really big experience where she says, this is our lot in life as women.
Sarah:
Do you ask a, like, a clear question?
Amy Babish:
Sorry. Yeah, yeah. Ask her to show you where she is. Where's she living?
Sarah:
It just feels very tight. It's like a house. It's like a nice house, but everything feels very tight.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
And, like, buttoned up.
Amy Babish:
Yep.
Sarah:
And maybe a little dark.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
Not unnaturally dark. Like wood.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
Like fabrics. Just dark.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
Just a feeling of, like, sucking into the middle.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. And. And ask her. Did. Ask her to show you. Did this start at a young age?
Sarah:
Nothing. It went blank.
Amy Babish:
Okay. So we're gonna just go back to her parents because something has happened where she's very stuck, and we're gonna do the double checking just. Just to make sure. Because sometimes when I ancestors that when she's out of options, it might be that she's entangled with someone else. So we're going to just. We're going to just check because we want to get her help, we want to get you help, and we got to make sure we're in the right generation to. To do the most effective help. So we're going to bring her mom behind her left shoulder and her dad behind her right shoulder.
Amy Babish:
So your great great great grandmother and your great great great grandfather, and you're going to ask them the same questions. Do you carry this pattern? Did.
Sarah:
The. It's a little bit of yes and no. Like on the dad's side, I feel like, no, we don't carry that pattern, but we carry like that little seed of doubt, of worthiness, and this, the sensation, a bit of collapse.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
But not. But they feel very peaceful.
Amy Babish:
Okay. They feel very peaceful.
Sarah:
It feels like some outside, outside force.
Amy Babish:
Okay, so we're gonna, we're gonna go back to your great great. Your great great grandmother and we're gonna ask her to show us when it started.
Sarah:
Oh, I'm sorry. It's her dad's mom.
Amy Babish:
Oh, it's her dad's mom. Okay.
Sarah:
Yeah, that's like a ball of tornado rage.
Amy Babish:
Okay, so this is four, four generations back, your great great great grandmother.
Sarah:
My brain can't follow that at the moment.
Amy Babish:
That's okay. So it's. We were just.
Sarah:
With my grandfather's grandmother's grandmother.
Amy Babish:
Yes, you. I take notes because this gets hard for me too often. So with. We are with your dad's mom. And then her mom was who we were just with. And then we went to her parents and then you said, it's. It's your, your dad's. Mom's.
Sarah:
No, it's her dad's mom.
Amy Babish:
Her dad's mom. Okay, so this is four generations back. So she had six. Six generations. Okay.
Sarah:
My grandfather's grandmother's grandmother.
Amy Babish:
Got it. Yep.
Sarah:
That's okay.
Amy Babish:
Okay. So she's filled with range.
Sarah:
It just, it feel like, you know when you see the Tasmanian devil on the cartoon, it's like that. It just. There's no, there's no person there. It's just.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
A feeling.
Amy Babish:
So we're going to ask her to show you, or first we need to ask her, did this, did this start with you?
Sarah:
It's like she and her mom are kind of the same. They're like melded together a little bit.
Amy Babish:
Okay, we're gonna, we're gonna go to her mom. So seven generations back, we're going to ask her, do you carry this pattern and did it start with you? Because we might have to even go further back. And I'll. We'll do something a little different if we have to go further back.
Sarah:
I know my mind is starting to be like, are you, are you sure?
Amy Babish:
Yes. Well, well, I would say for you, Sarah, and so many people who listen, they, they just are like, this is like all it's ever been. So we just want to double. Because your sixth generation and seventh grand generation grandmothers came up. We just want to make sure. With your seventh generation grandmother back, ask her, did this pattern. Do you carry this pattern did it start with you? And if the answer is yes, we'll do something different. If.
Amy Babish:
I mean, if it didn't start with her, we'll do something different.
Sarah:
She feels a bit more solid at that point. It just feels like a lack of comparison. Control. Like I'm just not in control.
Amy Babish:
I'm not in control just to do.
Sarah:
It doesn't feel. It doesn't feel violent or.
Amy Babish:
Okay, we're going to just do a little due diligence because it just feels like relentless. Usually when we're at the right, when we're. When we hit the sweet spot, when we go one generation back, it's like this thing never existed. And it doesn't feel like that with this grand. With this grandmother generations back. So what we're going to do next is we're going to ask your systemic field to do what we call step you back. So they're going to step us both back to wherever this started in your paternal lineage. And it might be a metaphor.
Amy Babish:
It might be a very clear era of history. It might be something where we just feel like we're on a farm or in another land, but they have the ability to show you where this started. So we'll tune into that. And let me know what you get when you step it back.
Sarah:
It just keeps coming back to that one woman, The. The one that showed me the violence.
Amy Babish:
Not the one with the rage.
Sarah:
No.
Amy Babish:
Okay. We. We respect the field. There's other layers here. And we'll go back to.
Sarah:
Yeah, like, I sort of scanned through a lot of things, and it just keeps, like, it's like it just keeps settling on her.
Amy Babish:
Okay. So we listen. The field will always write itself. And so we just follow where the field takes us. And so we're going to your great great grandmother. So we're going to ask the systemic field to show you with her where this started for.
Sarah:
I just see her really young, like, really loving horses.
Amy Babish:
Oh.
Sarah:
And that sort of awe and like. Oh, it's so magical.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
That feeling of like, oh, they're so magical.
Amy Babish:
Yes. Yeah. And can she show you what. What was the tragedy? What was. Where did this. How did the suffering begin? Was there a loss of a child? Was there a loss of a parent? Was there famine? Was there war? Something radically changed from that magical time with the horses.
Sarah:
I just see a gloved hand over her mouth.
Amy Babish:
Okay. And is she able to say to. To. To share with you or show you? Is this a family member or someone close to the family?
Sarah:
I think it's somebody not in the Family.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
But like, in the peripheral.
Amy Babish:
Okay. And ask her, did anyone in the family know this was happening?
Sarah:
Oh, sorry.
Amy Babish:
That's okay. Lots of yawning.
Sarah:
No, that feet. You know, like those muscles that feel like a cape on your back. They're just like.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
Like very heavy and very burning.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
I don't think people do.
Amy Babish:
Okay, maybe.
Sarah:
Maybe the mom.
Amy Babish:
Okay. Did she feel like she could ask her mom for help?
Sarah:
No.
Amy Babish:
Okay. And did she end up having a baby from any of these. Any of the moth station.
Sarah:
I don't know.
Amy Babish:
Okay. So we can. We can say to her, it's safe for you to tell me. Meaning you, Sarah. I see the torture you've been through, and you don't have to keep a secret any longer.
Sarah:
My mind is coming in so strong, and it's like you're making up stories. You're turning it into a movie.
Amy Babish:
So, yeah, your mind. There's nothing wrong with your mind trying to come in. Just ask your mind. Can we come back to my intention? I'm entangled with an ancestor who's been sexually tortured. I have survived my own sexual viol. I'm ready for help with this. Yeah. What happens when I presence your intention?
Sarah:
It feels like there's something, like, a little messed up. Like.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
Like somebody was. It just feels like there's a layer of messed upness to it.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. Yeah.
Sarah:
And it's not necessarily that she had a kid, but maybe the person who was aggressive towards her was like the product of rape.
Amy Babish:
Okay.
Sarah:
Related to her family. I.
Amy Babish:
Something's complex.
Sarah:
Yeah. It just feels in, like, really inappropriate and messy.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. Yeah. So we want to bring in a support that was not available when she was alive. And in her own mind, she might, you know, kind of what she said to you in the beginning, which is, this is just our lot in life as women. This is just how it is. Suck it up. You have carried that, Sarah. You have carried that.
Amy Babish:
You said, I make things hard and there's nothing good in me. And many, many, many, many sexual violence survivors take on the hatred and the disconnection and the confusion. Their aggressors, and believe there's nothing good in them. I can hear that in this ancestor's contact with you. So you can say to her, we want to bring in a resource for you that was not available in. In your childhood, in your teen life, in your early 20s, and in your whole life. But we really want to support the little girl who lost contact with the horses and the magic. And so that might be something that she couldn't even have even imagined, even as a little girl, but she might be able to show you.
Sarah:
It's like I had trouble following along with you just then because it's just like so much pressure on my chest.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sarah:
It's almost like she did have a child, but it was like missing a heart or something.
Amy Babish:
Like. Yeah.
Sarah:
Like something very mutated.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, yeah. So you could ask her.
Sarah:
That's like, I create mutant.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. So, so you can ask her, did you have a child that had some kind of physical disability, like missing a heart?
Sarah:
There's no answer.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
It's like she looks away.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, yeah. You can say to her, I would like to have a healthy child. And I need to acknowledge whatever happened to your child to be able to have mine. Your child can't be omitted from our history. No matter how ugly or scary or horrific it was.
Sarah:
It'S a lot of mixed reality. It's like a gut punch and it, like, it's like, oh, look, I'm included. And then it's like this rage of, like, why would, like, you, you don't get to have it if I didn't get to have it.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can say I, I, I am entangled with your rage and your sense of loss and all the boundaries that were crossed. It lives in my lived experience and in my body and in my mind and in my heart. I see you with my whole heart. And what happens for you, Sarah?
Sarah:
I feel a bit lighter.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. And what happens for your great great grandmother?
Sarah:
She, I mean, she's getting younger.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to ask your field, your systemic field to bring in a resource. It could be a real person that your great grandmother, Great great grandmother knew as a little girl. It could be someone that she prayed for or wished for. It could be someone that when she disconnected from the actual violence. It could be someone she met like an angel or a guide, and it could be something archetypal or historical. Does anything come through for her?
Sarah:
It feels like there's like a grandmotherly figure.
Amy Babish:
Okay. And I know that you are very in your, in your lived life, Sarah. I know you know many archetypal gods and goddesses and wisdom beings. Does anybody come through clearly that might be really attuned to her that you know of with that grandmotherly spirit?
Sarah:
My brain's like, I don't know that many people. I don't know because now it's like, do I know anybody? Let me think of somebody. Do it.
Amy Babish:
It's okay. It, it might come or it might come.
Sarah:
It's more that. Like that sort of stereotype of like, warm hands, warm tea.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
Apron. Very soft.
Amy Babish:
Yes. Yes. Yeah. And so she can just invite your great grandmother to sit in her lap or to be by the fire and give her some tea. She can get a hug. She can go to the horses with her. And this. This grandmother figure is going to talk to her about all the things she never got.
Amy Babish:
And it might be in words, it might be in resonance and vibration. It might be healing her heart and healing her. Her womb and her pelvic bowl and letting her know that she's whole and complete and made of all the things that are of wholeness and nothing will ever change. That no matter what happens, she can help her to let all the life. Life in, the joy, the love, the abundance of. Of life. That she's resilient and not from a place of closing off her heart, but of healthy boundaries. That she has a wellspring of love in her, of aliveness, that she knows how to be nourished all the way down to the epigenetic level, all the way to the concrete level of her thoughts and feelings and emotions.
Amy Babish:
And what do you. What do you witness there as you see her receive this?
Sarah:
It just feels more grounded.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. And what happens in you as you witness it?
Sarah:
I guess maybe it's not a life sentence.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. Yeah. And we're going to let that grandmotherly figure that came from. From your systemic field, we're going to let her send that. That repair or that alchemy through all of the women down to you, into your womb. And you can sit with her, you can drink tea with her. It can be whatever you. And she can invite you to bring.
Amy Babish:
Allow your essence to come down and in and pool, like a swimming pool pool in your pelvic bowl. And it might feel like warm tea. It might feel like the magic of the horses. It might just feel like her warm hands inviting it down. She might invite you to put your head in her lap, or she might let you sleep on her couch and you have her feet in her lap. Whatever feels right for you, she can attune to you. She's seen it all. She's been with your lineage through every step of the journey.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. What happens for you now?
Sarah:
It felt like all this fuzzy achiness in my shoulders and head just sort of went away.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
And then my mind kind of went blank.
Amy Babish:
That's okay. And how's your body feeling now?
Sarah:
Yeah, good. Like really soft.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. So we're going to bring you Back to your great grandmother. Your great great grandmother. And can you see that she's being taken care of now?
Sarah:
Yeah. I mean, it feels like she's taking care of herself.
Amy Babish:
So we want to make sure that. That that grandmotherly figure is with her.
Sarah:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
So she's not. She's not in a. She's not in danger anymore.
Sarah:
No.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, yeah. So we can't change what her lived experience is, but we can change her experience as an ancestor. And we can recognize that she deeply suffered and that she lost a baby that was omitted from the family history. And that rage and the shutdown, that looked like strength and that everything comes easy to her that was out of pain and out of struggle. And now she gets to be a whole person and taken care of with unconditional love and support. Is there anything else that she would like to say to you before we do our closing conversation with her?
Sarah:
No.
Amy Babish:
Okay, so the next step, you as the descendant, you can say to her, I take my life back from you. Now I see that you're taken care of. And if it feels true, you can say, I will honor you in my heart by opening to life in all ways, allowing my body to have a healthy, safe, full term pregnancy, receiving more money than I could have ever imagined. Joy and love and anything else that she didn't have any access to. Anything else you'd like to name that you'd like to live out in your own way?
Sarah:
I. I guess a loving marriage.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, a loving marriage where a woman is respected and treated with dignity and respect. Yeah. A consensual marriage. Is there anything else you want to say to her? Yeah.
Sarah:
No, that feels complete.
Amy Babish:
Okay. So in your own time, in your own way, you can kind of come back to the present moment. You might want to have a sip of water. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sarah:
All of a sudden I feel just so much grief.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
I can't tell if it's relief or grief.
Amy Babish:
It's probably a mix of same feeling. Yeah, it's probably. It's probably a bit of both. She's taking a big sip. So I'm letting. Here. I'm like really let. Let it go down the throat.
Amy Babish:
Let it go down.
Sarah:
Hear me gulping?
Amy Babish:
No, I can't hear the gulp over here, but yes. Sometimes we. We are like. I've never drank. I never need water this much in my life.
Sarah:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
I always say bring tissues or handkerchief and bring a warming tea or water. Yeah, yeah. So what's present for you now other than the grief relief experience?
Sarah:
Yeah, I Just I feel like an intense desire to fall forwards. Like, it's such a strange feeling. I just feel like I'm. That's why I can't tell if it's grief or relief, because both of them. You want to curl forwards.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
Just like. Oh, yeah. And I feel. This is such a terrible description for podcast, but, like, strange in my heart space. It's like, I don't know how to name the sensation because it's, like, open, but there's sensation. I don't have words for it yet.
Amy Babish:
One of. One of the things I'm curious about is, you know, with your energy being what you named in the podcast, like, mostly up in your shoulders, I imagine there's a lot of tension there at times. Yeah. And so it feels like the work that we did in the ancestral field started to dissolve it and open it up. So it feels like kind of like not an arthritic hand that's opening up for the first time, but it feels like a lot of, like, calcification of the physical heart really got unblocked.
Sarah:
Yeah, I can believe that. Yeah. I feel very, very heavy in my seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish:
And you know, you know so much about the Chinese medicine portion of this. And when we are trying to conceive from a Chinese medicine perspective, we work with the bin zao, which is the connection between the heart and the womb. And I can feel that really, like, what needed to happen between you and your great great grandmother was that she carried this very hardened heart out of a trauma response. Like, that's how she survived. And when we're entangled, we carry not just the energetic patterns, but we also carry the physical pattern. And so something about needing to safely help the heart come back into right relationship in the body, I could feel and sense that it was going to open up the channel to the pelvic bowl. So I can feel that.
Sarah:
Miraculous.
Amy Babish:
Yeah, the. The queen. As they say in Chinese medicine, the queen is in the heart. And when the queen is in the heart, then the blood can flow down to the pelvic bowl and the energy and the life force and the pattern. So that feels nice. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have questions for me? Any.
Amy Babish:
Any. Any thoughts?
Sarah:
It's just I've. I've spent so many years trying to build that connection.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
And this feels just nice.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
It's like I didn't have to work for it. It's like.
Amy Babish:
No.
Sarah:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
It required your intention and your willingness. But other than that, you know, we were. We were in the throes of it. I'd say for 20 minutes where it was really scary and intense or overwhelming. You know, just like with the. The nature of the graphicness of it, I could feel the intensity, but then it really started to ease up. I could feel the flow coming back in. And now it's just like the systemic field will do the work.
Amy Babish:
And when your mind, you know, your mind came in, your beautiful mind came in a couple times. Really what comes through in these constellations is to bring in the resource, even for you. So to bring that grandmother figure in and just say, can you be with me? My mind is trying to take over. My mind wants to make it something else, or my mind wants to be in control, and I really want my life force to come down into my pelvic bowl. And, you know the imagery that she gave you with. With your hands and with the tea, you might even say, like, can you. Can you place your. Your hands on top of my hands on my womb? And it can kind of be like.
Amy Babish:
Kind of like in Ghost when you see. Yeah, there's no. There's no pottery wheel. But you want to have her kind of coming from behind. I don't know what her stature was compared to yours, but we want her to come from behind so that your back body softens, because the back body is where we hold all the unconscious patterning. So we want to soften that so it can feel safe because she's there nourishing and protecting, and it feels like she has, like, endless about. She has abundant amounts of, like, I've got this grandma energy that's, like, warm and nurturing.
Sarah:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
So instead of, like, it being an iv, you have a grandma that is from the systemic field. Like, it's. It's not. You know, there's no tincture other than the grandma tincture for you. Yeah. Yeah. And I know not everybody has a grandma in real life that's like that. So this feels like from what we would call that from the beyond.
Amy Babish:
The beyond she came. She. She feels like she's an ancient ancestor.
Sarah:
Yeah. I did not have a living grandmother. They desired to be like that, but they were not.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. Yeah. So this. This is really important in terms of, like, the patterning and the possibility.
Sarah:
Yeah.
Amy Babish:
Any other questions? Anything else you want to name?
Sarah:
I just want to say. Because I want to say it, but also for anybody listening, like, this was a truly blissful experience. And I. I opened my eyes and couldn't believe it had been an hour. I thought it was like 10 minutes. And for me, I feel things. So I Don't have to say them. I don't envision.
Sarah:
There's nothing to share other than I just feel and feel and feel and feel. So that probably doesn't make the best for an audio, but to communicate that, like, if this type of thing works with me, then it will work with all any types of people. Like, and I truly am skeptical. I was like, I'm making all of this up. I'm just seeing movies of people on the prairie in my head. But then when I said that and you were like, okay, record scratch. Like, let's try again. And then it just felt really real again.
Sarah:
And, yeah, there was a part of me, like, just morphed through time and I was like, whether it's. Maybe that's my grandmother, maybe that's this woman, it doesn't matter at that point, because the. I was getting. I was getting to the truth of what needed to be gotten to, and it didn't really matter where it was coming from. And the embodiment, like, yeah, I'm making up an embodiment because I don't know what they look like. And it didn't. That part didn't matter.
Amy Babish:
No, they come in the way that's, like, most palatable for the descendant.
Sarah:
That makes sense. Yeah. And it just. It just. And there were really things that were confusing, but it just, It. I. I'm. I'm blown away at how bliss.
Sarah:
Blissfully I feel. And.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
Yeah. And what just a beautiful guided gift that was. Thank you.
Amy Babish:
You're welcome. You're welcome. And, you know, people of all different constitutions, like, how they experience things and all different backgrounds come through the process with me. And no matter what someone's flavor is or like, it's not going to work for me, you just have to come with an attention and your willingness. And the ancestors literally are like, there's a tsunami of ancestors that are asking me to work with them. And I have said I can't work with. With you without your descendant. So I am open to working with the.
Amy Babish:
With descendants who are willing and who have the intention. And, you know, the podcast is a gift. And for those who are not on the podcast, a paid session.
Sarah:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That. It's funny because I don't know if I even believe in it. And I'm like, it doesn't matter. I feel amazing. That was amazing. I feel so liberated.
Amy Babish:
Yeah.
Sarah:
I don't have to believe it because I did it.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. You can have parts of you that are skeptical because that's also where we get into really Risky territory spiritually and energetically, when people have to, like, drink the Kool Aid. And it has to be a hundred percent. You're. I wasn't going to make your brain wrong and bad because that's just there. It's what it is. And that's another entanglement, and that's okay. And we weren't working with that entanglement today, so all parts are welcome.
Amy Babish:
Like, there is no omission in my work. And so it's good that some of you, some part of you skeptical because we want you to have your own lived experience. And the skepticism lets me know that you're actually here. Yeah.
Sarah:
Yeah. Thank you. And I felt so safe with you for all those reasons that you're like, yeah, doesn't matter. We're gonna, we're gonna try and help to save space and we'll.
Amy Babish:
We'll see what happens here. And, you know, I don't, I don't have a crystal ball and I don't go in before the field. The only thing I do to double check is I do some preparation with cards and stones to kind of create a field between where you are and I am in physical life and the ancestral plane. I do that preparation in advance. That's all I do. And I tune into the field. And so the, the, the obstacle that I got for what's. What's the obstacle? What's at the spiritual basis.
Amy Babish:
And the ancestral basis was the strength card. And in my deck, the strength card I'll take. I have some crystals on it. The strength card is a lion. Oh. And it's holding a rose. It's a full, full main lion with a sun above its head and a rose across its one rose in its mouth. And so when I sat with that, like, what's, what's that? And it's really what we got to.
Amy Babish:
With that ancestor, which is she had to harden her heart and be strong to survive something so prolific. And that, that only being up in the heart, like what you talked about, I'm only really in my heart. I'm not. I can't come down so much. That was at the basis of the physical lived experience for you too. Yeah. So I knew we were on the right path when you said those things out loud.
Sarah:
Wow.
Amy Babish:
Yeah. So I was really clear. And then what I got for, you know, what's. What's the divine outcome, I got the 10 of pentacles. And I don't know if you know about cards.
Sarah:
I do not.
Amy Babish:
So 10 of pentacles is an abundance card. And it can mean all kinds of things like you're bringing enough abundance in for the life you want to create or you're bringing in the abundance to have the stability to bring in a family. And it's about specifically family legacy.
Sarah:
Wow. Okay.
Amy Babish:
The card deck I use is the wild unknown. So this doesn't show in a traditional tarot. If you look up the 10 of pentacles, it's like kind of like a family. It looks like family legacy. It's more of that kind of feeling. But I use cards that don't have a global minority or white bodied bias. So these are just more symbolic with animals and shapes. So I hope that this process, like the bliss, nurtures you in a unbelievable way and that it just unfolds in your business, in your life, in your marriage.
Amy Babish:
And keep me posted about how good it gets.
Sarah:
Thank you so much.
Amy Babish:
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Sarah. And to our listeners, please leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. If you feel like it's time for you to book in your session with me. I have a 90 minute session available for these processes. You get a 20 minute tune in in advance, 20 to 30 minute tunein, and then you schedule your 90 minutes and then you get a week of support following the session. I can't wait to hear everyone's feedback about this episode, and I hope you continue to subscribe and listen as we go along in this big journey.
Amy Babish:
Until we meet again. Thank you, thank you, thank you. That's all for this episode of the Soulful Visionary Podcast. If you found value in today's episode and are ready to delve deeper into aligning your inner world and environment, please subscribe to this podcast on your favorite podcast platform. Your subscription helps us to reach more soulful visionaries like yourself, and if you've been inspired by what you heard, I'd be incredibly grateful if you could leave a review. Your feedback not only helps others discover this podcast, but also guides me in creating content that truly resonates with you. I'll catch you in the next episode as we continue to unlock the love, purpose and fulfillment you deeply crave.