Questioning Your Career Path? Signs, Signals, and Realignment
“If this was something that was within your wheelhouse, it would have worked on it already.”
Grey has been questioning if he’s doing work that is right and true for him, if it’s aligned with his life purpose, or if he’s just being tested.
He’s someone with a big heart, who cares deeply and yet, he’s experienced challenge after challenge in this lifetime. He’ll land someplace and then get smacked in the face, which has been quite a confusing journey.
After checking for all possibilities of what could be at the root of this, I work with Grey in real time to identify and reconcile this ancient life agreement.
Throughout the conversation, we dip into Taoism, Feng Shui, and other wisdom traditions, weaving in all sorts of medicine into this potent episode.
You’ll especially want to tune into this client session if you, too:
» have a natural ability of being able to connect with people
» are questioning if your career is the one you should still have
» feel like you’re getting signals that you’re not where you’re supposed to be
» have experienced profound physical stress from your profession
» notice and feel like you’ve been receiving signs
Topics covered in this podcast episode:
Grey’s intention for the session with Amy
What signs and synchronicities you may notice in your life
What happens in the pre-field before a session with Amy
How Taoism and Feng Shui reveal deeper meanings and patterns
How Amy hones in on the modalities to use during a client session
How ancient life agreements of this magnitude are reconciled
The 3 kinds of fear according to Taoism
Various ways to support the kidneys and the heart
What the integration process can look like after a session
Notes on meeting your guides
For those of you who have taken this journey with us today, I hope that whatever path you're on, that you know that there are different possibilities available to you.
Thank you for joining us and being a part of this journey!
To explore your own life agreement process, you can always send me an email at: amy@amybabish.com
If this episode resonates, please leave a review on your favorite platform and share this episode with those who you think might benefit.
Until we meet again, I'm sending blessings from the Doeg land I steward.
Resources:
The unedited podcast transcript for this episode of The Soulful Visionary Podcast follows
[00:01:29] Welcome to the Soulful Visionary Podcast. I'm your host, Amy Bish, and today we have, uh, a new guest who I know we know through a mutual person in our lives. Welcome in Gray.
[00:01:44] Hi Amy.
[00:01:46] Um, so Gray and I had a little chat, uh, like a very brief chat before we got on today, and, um, we don't really know each each other that well.
[00:01:54] So I think that this is gonna be a really, um, meaningful process both for Gray and for those listening because a lot of people have a lot of trepidation with complex things, and that's very normal. And, um, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna go there. So gray, in your own words, um, what would you say, like, what are you wanting to work on today with me?
[00:02:19] I think what drew me to you in being able to dive into this deeper, um, I have been in a profession for about 15 some odd years, and I felt like I was called to this based on my natural ability of being able to connect with people. Um, my background within psychology and philosophy and wanting to be an advocate and support, uh, other humans.
[00:02:44] I'm, I'm in the HR field. Um, however, in the last two years I feel like. There's been a lot of things that have been taking me on side quests, uh, in the sense of is this truly what I should be continuing to work on as a profession? Is this more draining and hurting and harmful to myself? And am I giving too much of myself and efforts to support others interests as opposed to, um, being here for myself, being here for my family, and things like that.
[00:03:15] And so in the last 18 or so months, I've gotten some pretty clear signals, but yet I still keep finding myself coming back and after many conversations with the universe as far as like. Make the next thing be easy, make it be obvious I land someplace, and yet get smacked in the face with things that don't feel as though, uh, maybe this is the right choice.
[00:03:37] And so trying to get some more clarity as far as is this a challenge? Is this me stepping up to the plate or is it, hey, dumb dumb, it's time not to do this anymore. So, uh, in, in a very long-winded answer that, that's what I'm looking to hopefully solve.
[00:03:53] Okay. So, um, I think that many people, especially in in this, in these times are I think reconciling like, is what I'm doing really right for me and true for me and aligned?
[00:04:05] Or, um, am I being tested? I think a lot of people have that. Is this a consequence? Is this a test? Um, so I think that a lot of people will resonate with what you're share with, with what, what you're sharing. And I think to give even like deeper context, because when people come on. Like they, many, many diverse people on here, many different experiences, and not many people have talked about the signs.
[00:04:30] And so would you mind sharing some of the signs that you've experienced that, that have created these questions?
[00:04:36] Yeah. So I think, uh, and to give more context as far as the role, so in, in what drew me to this pri profession was to support people and help them with their growth and being able to see them thrive, being able to be able to support their families, make more money, find their interests, their goals, their dreams, whatever.
[00:04:56] In the last organization that I was with, unfortunately I was, I was the, I, I joked that I was the grim reaper. 'cause whenever I showed up on camera, the person never seen me before. Likely that that meant that they were probably gonna be let go. And I unfortunately had to do that quite a bit. And it, it landed on me quite heavy as far as to have someone's life get pulled out from underneath them.
[00:05:19] In a very swift call that can sometimes feel heartless using that word intentionally. Um, that after lots of stress on what this did for me and my wanting to see myself continue to, um. Uh, Excel and move forward with my career thinking that doing these things would equal promotions, equal, things like that.
[00:05:43] Um, I was let down and this level of stress, uh, landed on me so hard that I think that it was a contributing factor to why I had a heart attack. Um, and then after experiencing said heart attack, um, getting not much in the way of support from that employer coming back to, uh, my position to then subsequently then be let go myself, was was to me two pretty clear signs as far as like, maybe this isn't necessarily in the cards.
[00:06:14] And so after about a nine month period of being without and soul searching and doing all kinds of personal work, retreats, yoga, adventures, 45, 75 day challenges, whatever you name it. To work on myself, found myself landing someplace else. And so now only being two months in, uh, while I asked for it to be easy and obvious, maybe I didn't ask for it in the right clearest of terms because it was easy to get it.
[00:06:45] It hasn't been easy since I hit the door. And so now trying to think is, is this a further sign and do I need more as far as evidence or what is this supposed to mean? So,
[00:06:57] um, I'm so very sorry. I did not know, um, the grim reef for context and like my heart is just clenching. Listening to what you had to then
[00:07:08] Yeah.
[00:07:08] You know, facilitate and then how much your heart, I feel like it just couldn't bear it anymore.
[00:07:15] It was really rough. And, and while, you know, that's the, the context, obviously I did this with gentle hands and wanted to be, do right with integrity and, and really support the people. It's like, you know, I get to see people on their best days, their worst days, and unfortunately have to see them on, out on, on occasion, but it doesn't end there.
[00:07:35] You continue those conversations with those people for several months afterwards. And so that strain and that, uh, uh, pressure can, can sustain a lot longer than what an employer even knows about or sees.
[00:07:48] Yeah. So in my work, I oftentimes find a lot of patterns.
[00:07:52] Mm-hmm.
[00:07:52] And, um, I didn't know the context of your work and the person who just contacted me yesterday for a session, she had been let go of a 20 year career with like one day's notice.
[00:08:09] Yep.
[00:08:09] So this, this, this is what I would call your pre-field. So your free world is, um, something about that. And then, um, we're, we're recording this and we're just after the peak of summer and in Daoism, um, the middle of June to the middle of July is the most yang time of year. Mm-hmm. And Yong is fire and yang is heart.
[00:08:36] Mm. Yep.
[00:08:36] And so we, we are in, um, a yang month and, and yang deals with like a lot of, a lot of joy. That's why there's so many weddings in, in June. But it also deals with, when it, when the heart is out of balance, it deals with boundaries and it also deals with, um, what we call wind fright. And wind fright is shock.
[00:08:56] So when someone goes through trauma, um, if it's medical or if it's physical
[00:09:01] mm-hmm.
[00:09:01] Um, it literally is like our essence, our spirit, our true self. It leaves the body.
[00:09:08] Mm-hmm.
[00:09:09] And the um. Kinda like the light of the universe that shines in our eyes. It leaves.
[00:09:18] Okay.
[00:09:18] And so when you are in constant contact with people that are like, they're going through shock.
[00:09:27] Yep. They, their, their, their essence is kind of like, how can this happen? And disbelief you are, you're being affronted with that. And then your essence also couldn't, couldn't bear that. So that's, that's a part of this. Mm-hmm. And when, uh, in end Daoism, there's a, a yin organ and a yang organ in their partners.
[00:09:54] So the yin organ is the heart and the yang. There's the heart system is a little bit complicated. So we have the pericardium, which is the sac around the heart, and that's like the door bouncer.
[00:10:04] Mm-hmm.
[00:10:05] The door bouncer for the heart.
[00:10:07] Yep.
[00:10:08] And. You can think about, um, when you, when you've gone through so many things and you're like, this is kind of like pointless.
[00:10:16] I give up. I can't not fire people. This is what I have to do. The boundaries are so loose. Mm-hmm. That heart isn't properly protected anymore.
[00:10:24] Yep.
[00:10:25] And some of us, you know, not everyone is a gray. Um, some of us, when we have this experience, we become so shut down. And so armored like an armadillo that our heart becomes calcified and rigid.
[00:10:37] There's also the triple burn that's involved, that's not involved with what, what happened to you. And then the programming partner, which is the yang, is, is the small intestines. Okay. So it can, it can impact digestion. Like what you're really able to distill before it goes to the large intestines and like let, literally let shit go.
[00:10:53] Yep.
[00:10:53] Um, um, you kind of were in the throes of not being able to let shit go and your heart was under much duress.
[00:11:01] It's really hanging on to a lot at that point as far as actions with boss hanging on with the company itself. And I've got some familiarity with the, the yin and y and the, the various different organs and channels and things like that.
[00:11:13] And I hadn't put that, those two together, but I can remember during that time I was having some interesting bowels. And not to get too graphic, but it was one of those things where like the, the stress was coming out in different forms, but yet I was ignoring it and continuing to forage ahead. And in addition to that, I was working from home.
[00:11:33] So it never, never left the the, the thought. We had installed a new office in the backyard, and that's where I pretty much resided for most of the time. And so it, it's, it's like it was right there. Well, it used to be right in the bedroom after COVID had then moved at least to the backyard. But it still wasn't much of a transition between being within, you know, your, your everyday moments
[00:12:01] in, in, in feng shui and house therapy, which you have some familiarity with.
[00:12:05] Yeah. Our back, our backyards represent our future.
[00:12:09] Mm.
[00:12:09] And our front yards are our present moment. Okay. And this is true even for people who live in apartments or condos. It's the back of the property and the front of the property. And so you were bringing your future into the home.
[00:12:22] Hmm.
[00:12:24] And I can just feel the depth, the depths of that.
[00:12:26] Mm-hmm. Um, I don't know if you know about the, kind of the guardians of the organ systems in Daoism.
[00:12:32] No. Uh, Daoism is not the background. It's, it's more my background's within yoga and yen yoga and talking about traditional Chinese medicine and that, those kind of things. So when you're talking about young and triple burner and things like that, I know those terms.
[00:12:44] Yes. Um, but all the other interconnected pieces that you're talking about, I'd love to learn more. So please tell me. Yes.
[00:12:50] So, um, each system has, uh, a guardian and it's, it's an archetypal animal. And so this, this one is, it's called the she and it's a red bird. Okay. And so when, when our heart is settled, and it's like at, you know, not necessarily I'm putting air quotes because we don't have video for this.
[00:13:12] You can see me, but our, our listeners can't. Right,
[00:13:14] right.
[00:13:14] Um, our heart feels like a nest, a safe nest for the shen to come and, and be in. And live in. And when we have repeated shock, repeated trauma repeated, like this is just unbelievable what I'm asked to do. Mm-hmm. Um, the Chen will leave. And so when the s she leaves our eyes, look, um, like we just don't have a liveness in it.
[00:13:37] We don't have a lot of life force. And when I work with somebody, when I see that, I take it quite seriously. And oftentimes the red bird will start to come. And the woman that I spoke with yesterday, I said, I can feel that your, um, your shun has been disturbed and um, the shun is gone from you. And I said, I bet you've been seeing a lot of red birds.
[00:14:00] And she was like, I don't know how you knew that. And I said, because this is how the phenomenological world works. It comes to us to get our attention.
[00:14:07] And since then, I feel like all I've been seeing is Cardinals. Now, there's also been hawks that have been circling me for about a year now, and I, they will literally every single time I go on a walk, so one, one day I had one almost swooped down like it was gonna gonna try to grab my attention.
[00:14:25] And so between Cardinals and I almost feel like the hawk has been my protector because it's been looking over me in the last year and I, it, it's made me think, have I just not been aware of this this whole time? Or is there really truly something else behind this?
[00:14:41] I, I think a little bit of both, um, that's what I get.
[00:14:44] And birds are also the, the fire element.
[00:14:48] Mm-hmm.
[00:14:49] So all heart-based. Um, so you, you were getting so much from the field to try and it feels like the, it was like beckoning you and calling you and
[00:14:59] mm-hmm.
[00:14:59] Um, when I, when I feel into that, um. I can ask kinda like an in an inquiry, like what is at the root of what your experience has been in a pronounced way over the past 18 months.
[00:15:12] Mm-hmm. Um, and so I start with like, is it something somatic? And it's not, which would make sense because you are a, in, in your other skill sets, you, you do breath work and yoga. Yeah. Um, and oftentimes what I say to people is that if this was something that was within your wheelhouse, like it would have worked on it.
[00:15:30] So I have other somatic tools. It's 'cause I didn't know if we were gonna dialogue with your heart. And somatic do dialoguing is something that I offered. Um, it's not that. And so then I ask, um, you know, is it something thinking like mindset or beliefs and the answer's no? Um, okay. So I'm kind of going through, um, a delineation of like what is at the root of this.
[00:15:53] And then I ask if this is ancestral.
[00:15:56] Mm-hmm.
[00:15:56] The answer's no. You might see patterns in your, in your ancestry that, um. Makes you curious about it. It doesn't mean that it's not related, but it's not an entanglement. An entanglement is when we take on, um, out of love, we take on a, a unresolved burden. Okay. An ancestor.
[00:16:15] Um, and it could be someone like really close in like auntie or great grandma, or it could be really far back and, and that's not what this is.
[00:16:24] Okay.
[00:16:25] Um, then I can ask, is it past life? It's not past life. Wow. This is something much, much deeper.
[00:16:32] Okay. And so
[00:16:34] when we have that kind of context, um, what I can say is this is not a test and this is not like, um, you're not being consequenced.
[00:16:45] Like, that's, that's a belief that many, um, many people come to me with, which either they're spiritual or they're very religious, and, um, doesn't mean that people aren't tested and aren't. Aren't consequences to things, but that's not what the context of your past 18 months have been. Um, so this gets into another life agreement.
[00:17:08] Okay.
[00:17:08] And so life agreements can be positive, neutral, or kind of detrimental. And this is a detrimental one.
[00:17:18] Okay. And,
[00:17:19] and, um, I don't, I don't tend to get people where it's like, um, a recent life agreement. So this is not from this lifetime. It's, um, it's an ancient life agreement. Okay. And it, it's like beyond comprehension.
[00:17:33] And so this kind of like agreement lives outside of the Akasha record, which you might be familiar with. And so it,
[00:17:40] but yeah,
[00:17:41] the Akashic record is like the library for all of our lives. Okay. And so this gets into something where I always tell clients, like, I'm not here to tell you the truth or what to believe, but this is.
[00:17:53] This is the best way I could put words around what you're experiencing. So, um, for many, um, people that come to see me, not many people in general, but the kind of people that are, um,
[00:18:07] yeah,
[00:18:08] yeah. The people that I have a life agreement with, um, that I'm, I am to be of service to, um, they are beyond an old soul.
[00:18:17] They were an energy, like an energetic blueprint. And they have had so many lifetimes where they weren't always people. They could have been mountains, they could have been rivers, they could have been many different things. And, um, sometimes it was just like energy. Mm. And so when I work with someone around, um, an ancient life agreement like yours, um, there weren't consequences when you did that, like in that energetic place.
[00:18:47] That's the cosmos, that's the universe, known and unknown. There aren't consequences as there are in like the known universe or galaxies or other realities or on earth. So here we have cause and effect, we have consequences, and out there it's just like, fuck, fuck around and find out. Like it's kind of like that sometimes.
[00:19:08] So, you know, you know, that might go with your personality a little bit. Yeah, yeah.
[00:19:14] It works. I, I, I appreciate the descriptor and I love how the, the cosmic, uh, humor of it all.
[00:19:19] Yeah. So, so, you know, it feels a little bit ominous, but we have to take, you know, it is heavy, but it doesn't have to be that heavy.
[00:19:28] Right. We can like learn to Right size it.
[00:19:31] Yeah.
[00:19:31] So, um, with this, um, we're gonna have to kinda be curious about who or what you were.
[00:19:40] Mm-hmm.
[00:19:40] And with that, it's something core to who you are in this lifetime. So we don't have to have like past life memories. We don't have to know, like, we don't have to do too much digging.
[00:19:49] It's like a core part of your personality or how people experience you. And that is, it's usually a gift or, um, something really what you perceive to be really positive. And you have it, and like spades. You have it way more than other people. And oftentimes that part of you influences maybe how you, um, sometimes it's judge others or sometimes it's, um, how you think you know better than others or how, um, your way is the right way.
[00:20:24] Or you can see things other people can't. It's usually like something like a little, like a little edge to it. Yeah.
[00:20:32] And
[00:20:34] with this kind of agreement, your peers at this time, like the other energies that were quite big, um. One of them at least, was stepped to you and said, please don't do this agreement.
[00:20:48] Hmm.
[00:20:48] And so you weren't being conseque, but the nature in, I mean, in hr, you know, agreements mm-hmm. The terms and the conditions of this agreement are that ad nauseum, you will experience the thing that you minimized.
[00:21:05] Okay.
[00:21:06] So you thought, I'm gonna bring, you know, we don't know your name at that point. Like, I'm gonna bring my grayness to this group.
[00:21:14] Mm-hmm. And if I just bring this attribute, whatever their challenge is, they're, they're gonna, it's gonna be all solved. And then your peer said that's really important. Like, that's an important part of the process, but it's not the like be all end all for
[00:21:31] Yeah.
[00:21:32] And so there was no amount of like that peer trying to beckon you to say, don't do this, that you could hear.
[00:21:42] You have kind of been doing this, you've been trying to reconcile this agreement that you went against, um, against the, the graining for, for a long time. And it's not every lifetime, but it's kind of compounded, even though time is really not real, it's compounded. So in this lifetime it might be getting your attention in a different way where you're like, I don't wanna do it this, this way anymore.
[00:22:09] Um, and so what do you notice as I kind of name it that way?
[00:22:16] Well, as you described it in that sense, and I, I feel like I've always been a little bit of an odd duck and I, I chalked it up to just being an Aquarius, um, because we all can get that as our label. Um, but when you talk about, like, me seeing things differently, me thinking as though, like, not necessarily that I know best, but like I've got a different angle in which I usually play with them.
[00:22:39] And so I think that that obviously resonates with me pretty well. And I think, again, I've just kind of embodied that to like Zodiac sign and like having a weird upbringing from, from parents and, uh, religious, uh, uh, exposure and things like that, but not knowing the depths of what that is. Uh, but as you were saying that, it's kind of like at the core that's who I am and that's what I feel.
[00:23:04] Strip all that other stuff away and I would still, that would still resonate with me regardless.
[00:23:10] So I'm getting that. It's like, it's not just like outside of the box, isn't it? So I'm kind of asking like mm-hmm. You're gonna feel it. Like really click in when we get the right descriptor. So it's, um, it's not perspective.
[00:23:28] Um, but it's something that in the, in these past 18 months, you've been seeking a lot.
[00:23:33] Mm-hmm.
[00:23:35] You've been seeking a lot. So I'm curious. Um, like your perspective about people's curiosity?
[00:23:44] Hmm. Um. I when I, I don't know if that, if I fully connect with that. I think when this initially happened, I was kind of surprised of the lack thereof of curiosity.
[00:24:03] Yeah. And lack thereof as far as follow up and, uh, particularly boss team, other people that you would think were close to me almost went cold on me. And a sense of like the time in which you would think you would want someone to be on your side and have your back the most, that's when the true colors came out.
[00:24:24] And so then that just, uh, the complete, uh, free fall, um, uh, familiar with the movie office space. Uh, Peter Gibbons decides he's just no longer gonna do anything. And so that was the mode in which I was in for quite some time. But then after I'm no longer there. What is it really that I'm gonna work on?
[00:24:44] What's important to me? And certain people like started just appearing in my life and things naturally occurred. Um, and some of the other things related to career just didn't seem to be clicking. But as soon as I accepted this job, all of those other things just magically disappeared and like the same couple of days.
[00:25:03] And so that's where I'm so perplexed by this. And then after I contacted you, some of those people started reaching back out. And so that I feel this like push pull. And I guess I've got a level of curiosity as far as this, but uh, I still don't, I feel like with as much as I care for others, like it hasn't been as reciprocated.
[00:25:25] Yes. Uh, there's a core group of people that are always want to know and care and things like that. But for the vast majority of the large network that I have, there's been a lack thereof.
[00:25:37] Okay. Okay. So you were on the receiving end of, um, Unal relationships.
[00:25:43] Mm-hmm.
[00:25:44] Especially after a trauma. Mm-hmm. Um, but I would say like even before like the, the job that led to the trauma, it was like not a very, um, it wasn't equal give and take in the, in the company.
[00:25:57] Hmm. And so you, I'm wondering, like we both need to figure out what your like gift or extra grayness is, and then we need to figure out what was, what was, um, the thing that you couldn't understand that you were on the receiving end of. And so I was wondering if you judged people's lack of curiosity. It's not that, it's that you're in disbelief that people aren't more connected and caring.
[00:26:24] Yeah.
[00:26:25] Okay. So, um, how does that land in your system? When I say it like that.
[00:26:32] I feel like that's something that I've always had, almost like a chip on my shoulder, I've been described of as wearing my heart on the sleeve. Ha. Immediately people have said that about me. Um, but when it comes down to like really caring about the person on the receiving end of this, or like how to do right by them, that doesn't seem to be what's important about this equation.
[00:26:55] It's the execution. And even that word in and of itself sounds dirty to me and it's hard for me to like equate the two together, but I know that it's an ax not necessarily the other as far as what that means.
[00:27:09] So even, even you sharing, like I have, you know, I'm known as someone who, who, um, is known as someone who has my heart on my sleeve.
[00:27:18] Mm-hmm.
[00:27:19] I'm wondering about the quality and it feels like it's not TLC, um, but it's something like that. Like it's not compassion. Um, it's not care and attention, but like you, in this essence, you felt like if you could just bring this, this was just for the agreement was something that you thought you could help humanity with.
[00:27:46] Sometimes it's universal. This was humanity. You saw, you saw that humans were gonna struggle with this, and you felt like, I'll just bring this and it will be better for them, and they will be able to have an equal give and take and there will be reciprocity and, um, people will care for each other.
[00:28:07] Hmm.
[00:28:08] And so, but then the chip on your shoulder was like, I don't understand why people can't do this. Like, it was like No, like total, like oversimplification of like, you could see it so clearly. Yeah. And you thought whatever this attribute is, that that would be the, the cure all or the fix for. Lack of care and, um, yeah, like real, like it's like a cutoff.
[00:28:40] Yeah.
[00:28:41] Um,
[00:28:41] I think I've been a catalyst for different change when it comes to stuff like that. And by hope, by my presence of being someplace or having just the level of care and, um, compassion that I bring, that somebody would embody that or emulate that or see this, that someone cares this much, why shouldn't I?
[00:29:01] But I, and wife gets onto me all the time as far as people don't think like you, Greg, they don't think about all these steps. They're not doing it to be personal. They just, they're careless. And that doesn't, never clicks for me because it's like, how could you not think about that? How could you not want, um, to see other people have like a level of joy or, or peace or whatever the case may be.
[00:29:24] So this is the part where you were just like, I will be this. I will express this and people will kind of clean up their acts around care and compassion and joy and being in, in right. Relationship with each other.
[00:29:38] Yep. I think that's why I got into this industry. Yeah. Because I saw, I was mistreated by a boss and I was like, well, if I was ever in this, I would never let that stand.
[00:29:47] I would not let this boss be able to treat this person this way. So this was me and how, how could I be that change in that sense? Yeah.
[00:29:55] So we're, we're, we're, it's important before we can go move, move forward with the process. We have to get it like what the essence is. So I'm like, I'm, I'm asking, like, it might be a phrase and I think it is a phrase, it's not just a word.
[00:30:08] Um, so when you, when you feel into that, Greg, what, what, what do you feel like, um,
[00:30:20] how would people describe you in terms of that, that care and that kindness and that like aliveness that you bring? Intentionality.
[00:30:32] Oh man.
[00:30:37] Um, I wasn't prepared for that.
[00:30:41] Yeah.
[00:30:41] Uh,
[00:30:43] it feels really tender.
[00:30:45] Say that again.
[00:30:46] It feels really tender.
[00:30:47] Uh, it is. Um, I, I would just say like, um, I had someone describe me as being overly sensitive.
[00:31:00] Yeah.
[00:31:01] And that wa was both a compliment and potentially a dis as far as like my ability to be good at this, this type of field.
[00:31:13] Yeah. I think what she meant was there's a level of care that that comes with this, um, that other people will feel from an empathetic standpoint. Um, I have been described as a feeler. I've been described as a, a, my wife describes this as lightworkers. Um, but I, I don't, I don't know if I can, uh, deduce it down to like a phrase that encapsulates everything, but I think there is a level of, and even when I see, when I look in how my son behaves, like there's like a man, you are just so damn sensitive.
[00:31:46] And I know that there's gotta be some part of me in that too. I just, I'm struggling with coming up with like, what does that phrase, what does that look like?
[00:31:58] So when I, when I feel into it, I can really feel like what the, what the field is showing me. Like, it almost feels like maybe when your wife first met you, she thought you were one person and then she got to know this part of you and she was just like blown away.
[00:32:11] Like tears almost coming like,
[00:32:12] yeah.
[00:32:14] Um,
[00:32:14] I, I could feel that, and I mean, I feel like the sides of me are, I'm a fun, loving, caring guy until I get pushed too far or until you stress me out and to continue equating to, to movies and characters. I'm, I'm, I'm Bruce Banner. I'm, I'm the Hulk. Like, if you piss me off, the green guy comes out and I see red and I will throw down.
[00:32:37] But in essence, it's, it's those that's that duality of I care so damn much that I will fight tooth and nail to see what I feel is right.
[00:32:47] Um, so it's something about, you know, that to use another movie phrase
[00:32:55] mm-hmm.
[00:32:55] It's, it's likened like they're likening it to as like you are a garden guardian of the galaxy, but you are guardian of humanity.
[00:33:02] Mm-hmm.
[00:33:03] And you, um, it's not a Bodhi, um, but it's something like that where you, um. You just said like, no one's come and done this. Mm-hmm. And I will give it my all and I will be a fierce, um, loving, clear,
[00:33:29] like essence, like being, um, like your beingness. And it's, it's different than like, you know, these days people say space holding. It's like, it's not like a will. You're not willing it, but like you're, the fabric of your being deeply cares for humanity.
[00:33:45] Yeah. Yeah.
[00:33:46] And I don't have a word for it. It might come to you after, after we meet today, but it's in the field and I think we've gotten close enough, but it's like a love and a care and, um,
[00:34:03] a promise, like a devotion.
[00:34:05] Mm-hmm.
[00:34:06] That, um. What I hear is like, it's around the cruelty that the universe and people did to each other.
[00:34:16] Yeah.
[00:34:17] So it's not saviorism for those people who are like, is he trying to be savior? It's not that. It's very unspecific. Um, and
[00:34:28] it, it's something that, um, it peers were like, we need even more than that.
[00:34:35] Hmm.
[00:34:36] And it's not gonna be like, that's not the cure all. Like we need that ingredient, but that alone will not make it better.
[00:34:42] Got it.
[00:34:43] And so you couldn't understand how people could be so cruel. And then also, this is important to name, you couldn't understand how there were other forces that were contributing to that.
[00:34:54] Like lack of wholeness is what I would call it. Or a fractured, um, energy and or what some people might call evil and you couldn't understand how people could destroy each other or how. Things can be destroyed. Yeah. And um, so
[00:35:17] you have been experiencing on, you've been on the receiving end of being destroyed.
[00:35:22] Mm-hmm.
[00:35:23] And being, um, torn apart by people's cruelty and, um, having to be the person who is the cruel one who is not try, doesn't wanna be cruel, but it's a cruel act to let people go for months upon months. That's heartbreaking.
[00:35:36] Yeah.
[00:35:37] Um,
[00:35:37] used as a blunt object and, and literally being manipulated. Like that's what I felt like at the end of all of that was like, you manipulated me to be your blunt object that did all these cruel acts and then in my moment of need, instead of trying to be there for me, like, yes, you kept me on for another six months or whatever, but the ship had already sailed.
[00:35:59] You were looking for a reason to either let me go or whatever else. And this was a little bit of pity. But it still was like collab, like we don't care that that really happened. We, that we were already gonna do this anyways. Like you just bited yourself some more time.
[00:36:16] So you are on the receiving end of the thing that you couldn't understand.
[00:36:20] Yep.
[00:36:21] And so to under, like, now we're at this point of you've lived for 18 months with like people, there's no, there's no, um, it's beyond your pay grade to understand why people can be this way.
[00:36:39] Yeah.
[00:36:40] And this is where it's like right sizing it. So even though you come with this tremendous care and attention and um, love and, um, sensitivity, there's no amount of that that can cross someone else's boundaries when there are other, other things involved.
[00:36:59] Mm.
[00:37:00] And so, like right sizing that, that is something. To be honored and very special just like you see in your son. But that alone, it can't like, you know, in, in a pericardium kind of way. It can't be boundaryless to go and like influence people's confusion or whatever their life agreements are, that feel with cruelness.
[00:37:22] Mm-hmm. And so with these life agreements, a lot of it is like being able to digest with humility. Like you came, you came with really good intentions, but the good intentions minimized how complex people are.
[00:37:39] Oh.
[00:37:41] And now you, you have been minimized and you have been dismissed and your heart has been broken.
[00:37:51] Yeah, that's how I would describe it. Yeah. I feel like I was literally heartbroken by the. The overall experience and then literally then had that actually happen, like I had been pushing it down that it finally bubbled up and all the circumstances leading up to it were quite epic as well in the sense of like, I, it happened at home.
[00:38:15] It happened in that house.
[00:38:16] Yeah.
[00:38:17] I had had installed with the office. It happened after a trip in which I was out of the country and then came back four days after my birthday. Like it's gonna be, you know, a date and a time that lives in infamy. I was supposed to be doing something that night, got canceled randomly.
[00:38:32] My wife was supposed to be doing something that day. It canceled randomly. I, as I collapsed in the room, then heard voices to tell me, come inside, come inside. And then that's when she found me. And so like obviously there's something else for me to be and to complete while I'm here in this lifetime. And is it for me to continue doing the same thing is what I keep coming up on.
[00:38:51] Just 'cause I'm good at this and just because I can make money at it. Is, is that truly all? We're all we're here to do.
[00:39:00] So we're gonna get, we're gonna once we work on the life agreement part. Yeah, you'll have some clarity. But I think another layer that I, um, I learned right before we got on, was that the building in the back of your property while we're on this recording Yeah.
[00:39:19] The floor is being replaced.
[00:39:22] Yep.
[00:39:23] So the, the foundation of the place where you work is being rebuilt.
[00:39:31] Yeah. And I don't work there anymore, but that's where I was. Yeah, yeah. That's
[00:39:34] where you were. And so like, there's no, there's no coincidences. And when, when we are like, um, when I was able to tune into it, um, you live in a place where there's a lot of, you know.
[00:39:52] There's a lot of sacred land in many places, and you live on a burial ground, an indigenous burial ground. Hmm. And, um, you didn't know that when you bought the house. A lot of people have lived in this house before you, so it's not like you developed it on that. Um, but, um, you know, tuning into it, like being in right relationship with the people who have suffered.
[00:40:15] Hmm.
[00:40:15] And asking for, um, asking for them to be freed from, like being locked into the land itself. Versus in indigenous cultures, they don't necessarily transcend as, as they do in many other, um, spiritual traditions. They, they stay with the land. Um, and even though it's not a physical heart, it's the spiritual heart that's freed when we are able to reconcile what's happened on the land beneath our feet.
[00:40:44] Um, and it feels like it's the land beneath their feet, but it's also the land beneath your feet. That the heartbreak that has lived there on that land from indigenous people not being able to access their bar burial ground for probably hundreds of years. It's 'cause it's not a known burial ground. Right.
[00:41:05] Um, that you were on that land, you're, you are stewing in that, in that energetic pattern. I think that that's not a coincidence why you built mm-hmm. That shed back there for your, for your work.
[00:41:19] Yeah.
[00:41:19] And so on this day, as you are reconciling your life agreement, your wife is reconciling the foundation and the new foundation's being made.
[00:41:28] So I think it's like you can't make up the timing.
[00:41:31] No, I know. And I, I, I felt that, and that's, uh. I see all the signs. My, my life has never been, uh, uh, lack there of signs. And, and I, when I, when you look in the rear view, it all makes sense, but like, as you're in the moment, sometimes he doesn't, doesn't shake you as, as loud as it probably should.
[00:41:51] Yeah.
[00:41:52] So, um, we are now given permission to kind of move forward with, um, reconciling, um, this life agreement. And, um, you have many kind of wisdom traditions in under your, your belt. And so I'm gonna invite you to do it your way and I'll do it my way and I'll tell you about it after the recording. But this is something that is not to be kind of shared, um, out loud on the podcast.
[00:42:20] So you can think about, um, there are some parts of this life agreement that you'd like to still keep. Like you want to keep the gifts, but it's like right sizing. How do I use these gifts and do I stay on this track of HR work?
[00:42:38] Mm-hmm.
[00:42:38] Or do I do something else? Or do I do a hybrid? And so you can ask, um, it's like asking with humility like, can you please help me?
[00:42:48] And I want to right size this so I don't take it on for all of humanity.
[00:42:53] Yeah.
[00:42:54] Like, I don't wanna do that anymore. I wanna know it's mine. And that it can kind of be revealed to me. 'cause you are about like really being able to see things that's not for everybody, but for you. Like, can I have clarity and can it be revealed around like what, what is, what is mine to do in this, in this life?
[00:43:13] Hmm.
[00:43:14] And I like it. It will be something where it might be felt sense, it might be visual. There's gonna be a revelation process for you, so I'm gonna do it my way. You're gonna do it your way, and we'll kind of let the listeners who are listening, they might have something like this too, of their own. And so I'm gonna just, it's, it's like a call or a prayer.
[00:43:35] And so I'll just do it, um, silently and you can do it your way and then we'll kind of, um, come back.
[00:44:29] So great. When I, um, when I tune in, some of the things, like a term that, that I use in this work is, is like a spiritual 9 1 1. And you're in a, even though you're out of the, like the physical crisis of your heart, you're still in a spiritual and energetic crisis point because you're boomeranged quite quickly like a pendulum.
[00:44:50] When you get this new job, then all the other things go away.
[00:44:54] Yeah.
[00:44:54] Like a tidal wave. And so that, that is, that is definitely like what, what I would call a spiritual nine one one situation. Um, and so in the process I was able to kind of update the agreement on my side and I'm sure you can on yours. And I asked for, um, spiritual 9 1 1 is like, when it's so complex, it's even above my, my pay grade.
[00:45:16] So there are things I'm not allowed to understand 'cause it's, many of our essences are quite private and that's a good thing. So I'm able to ask that on, uh, ask for that on your behalf. And when I did that, the first thing that they offered was, um, like a up upgrade of your guides.
[00:45:34] Okay.
[00:45:35] And so there were guides that were kind of helping you through this ancient agreement to like work your way out of it.
[00:45:41] And oftentimes it's very rare for me to find someone who could work their way out of it on their own. Um,
[00:45:46] that makes sense.
[00:45:48] So the guides are being updated, they have been updated. Um, and I asked for, um, you know, divine clarity and divine alignment for your life path and your impact and your purpose. And, um, yeah.
[00:46:04] They want me to check in with you before we go further?
[00:46:07] Yeah. All that sounds great. I feel like I was just, for me, on my end, really just looking for a sign. I could keep asking for it. And it, sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't. And, and then I get these mixed cross signals as far as like, should I stay or should I go, what, what's, what's the thing?
[00:46:24] And then I'll have a good day and then I'll have a bad day. And that's why I feel like I've been challenged in this sense of like, it, it is still the path. You asked for this, you got this, it's exactly what you asked for, but you gotta stay the course. And that's what keeps coming up for me with this. I just don't know what does that mean as far as like to what end or at what point, um, do I call the shoot or, or, or pull the shoot rather.
[00:46:50] Um, so I, I, I, I, this, I've just been so pained with this for the last two months now.
[00:46:56] So when we do a process like this, there's usually, like, sometimes it continues and sometimes it completes, and then there's integration. So the process itself is complete. So the integration for you is important. 'cause the clarity won't come until the in integration is complete.
[00:47:13] Okay. So,
[00:47:14] um, it's just gonna be one, one layer of integration. Some people have three. That's quite common when I work with people. Um, and
[00:47:26] it's gonna come in three days.
[00:47:28] Okay.
[00:47:29] And during those three days, they ask, they invite you to, um, do a practice of silent contemplation. Okay. Where you are in nature. So it could be in your backyard or you know, I know that you live by nature. Um, preferably like by water. Okay. Um, water is really helpful when we have all this fire energy and you've been through a fire, um, journey.
[00:47:56] Like still deep water is really helpful. I don't know, I don't know your area of, of, um, the United States, but I don't know if there's still deep water anywhere.
[00:48:05] Not necessarily where we are. That's, I mean, when you say deep water, am I supposed to submerge in water or be near water or
[00:48:14] what
[00:48:15] does that
[00:48:15] mean?
[00:48:15] Just, just be, just be near what? Be near it. So the deep still or black water
[00:48:20] mm-hmm.
[00:48:21] Is like, on the surface it looks like nothing's happening, but underneath it so much is there. We cannot see.
[00:48:26] Yeah.
[00:48:26] And so, um, in Daoism, but in many Western traditions, they use the law of signature. And so when you are in the vibrational, like vi the vibrations of that and also the energy of it, you're sensitive to those things, not for everyone, but you are.
[00:48:42] So that energy is a contemplation practice that will activate your kidneys. And so when, um, in Daoism, when people go to acupuncturist and they're like, I'm struggling with the kind of question you're, you're struggling with, this is oftentimes like acupuncture really like shines. But it is a very complicated movement to have the heart go down to the kidneys.
[00:49:11] And so it is really complicated. And when your heart has been out, like when your essence, when your she has been out, you can't, like on command, on demand, make your heart go down to the kidneys. So you're, you're smiling big. So what are you noticing as I say that?
[00:49:28] Well, not to air all my dirty laundry of medical history, but um.
[00:49:34] I think the reason partly how the heart, uh, is connected to this, I have experienced significant kidney issues for most of my life. Okay. And to the point where, uh, probably should be in, in, in Guinness Book of World records as far as kidney stone, uh, size. Um, and so, uh, I thought part of the reason why the heart was 'cause of hypertension and kidney stone, produce production and, uh, uh, rare disease, uh, things like that.
[00:50:06] But now when you say it like that, it's almost like there's a, there's a clog, uh, between the two is what I'm envisioning. Um, and then you mentioned as far as the dark, the dark waters and I, that, that resonates with me as far as like there's a lot going on underneath the surface
[00:50:22] here. Yes, yes,
[00:50:23] I know of, of this small body of water, not a big body of water.
[00:50:30] It's by our house that we have been starting to frequent. Lately, um, that has been, um, replenishing for our home and our house in the sense of like not only a place for, for contemplation and to, to go to, but also to bring some of that water back and, and help the restore the land in essence. Um, and so that's when you said that, I was like, okay, tomorrow would be a good day to go pay a visit.
[00:50:59] So yeah. So, so the kidneys in end, Daoism it is the yin organ for, um, our life path, our destiny, all of our ancestral, karmic, otherworldly, um, like data.
[00:51:16] Mm-hmm.
[00:51:16] And we come in with a set amount, it's called Jing, JING
[00:51:21] Essence.
[00:51:21] Yes. It's the essence. It's a different essence than our kind of energetic blueprint that I'm talking about with the heart, but it's our life force essence and, um, different things depleted.
[00:51:32] But when, um, the kidneys are kind of being assaulted with a lot of different kinds of trauma or genetic things, like, that's also also kidney, kidneys. Um, other facets are, um, terror. So there's three kinds of fear in Dallas, the one that we talked about first. So that's called, um, wind fright or shock.
[00:51:53] That's in the heart. And then the stomach is worry and perseverative. Thoughts like rehearsing tragedy. Yeah. And then the last one is terror.
[00:52:03] Mm-hmm.
[00:52:04] And so when we have, um, you know, bad nightmares growing up, or abuse terror is what the kidneys to a hit from. And then it also deals with, um, like right sized risk.
[00:52:19] So when our kidneys are out of balance, we sometimes are so terrified or stagnant that we don't take risk or. And, and I was trained psychoanalytically like many, many, like decades ago. It's called in psychoanalytic or 40 in um terms, it's called reaction formation. It's when you go way over over the top and like, I'm fearless.
[00:52:41] I have no fear.
[00:52:42] Yeah.
[00:52:42] So the pendulum swings when kidneys are out of balance and having like the right amount of like, this is the right risk. Like I know it's risky, but it's worth it. Mm-hmm. Like when, especially when our heart is aligned, we know when something's worth it. Yeah. And so every, every organ system also has a virtue, and the virtue of the kidneys are faith.
[00:53:05] Like, I'm being supported, I'm being taken care of, and I know I'm being heard. Mm-hmm. It doesn't mean like, happens like kind of an egoic way. Like it doesn't mean it's gonna happen like the way I want it, but I am being taken care of. And it's, it is like a, it's like a trust kind of faith. Yeah. And um, when we are trying to navigate the kind of journey that you're on that was connected to your life agreement that we just worked on, updated.
[00:53:29] Having the heart come down and like nourish the kidneys is a profound, profound process. Okay. And so when, when you think about the kidneys, I'm showing, I'm showing gray in my hands. It's like a cup. And so when the kidneys, the, the jing doesn't like go away, but when the energy behind the kidneys is, they're not nourished, it's like they're so thirsty.
[00:53:51] So the, the programming partner for the kidneys is the bladder. That's, that's the yang.
[00:53:57] Yeah.
[00:53:58] And when we can't like, let go, then, then there's bladder problems. So they're very interconnected of like, I'm holding on for dear life. That's literally kidneys. And then I don't know how to let it go, like, let go in a different way than bowel movements.
[00:54:17] Like, like urgency is a part of bladder, bladder work. So when you have had pro prolonged, um. Stress to the kidneys. It makes complete sense that like, you're kind of like, what should I do? What should I do? What is the right? It's different than when, when people don't have a clear intention. You have a clear intention.
[00:54:39] You want clarity and you wanna do the right thing that's right for you and while you're here. But to get, to have the heart kind of trust it and move down, we need more water for you. And so the like black, it's specifically black water, and not everyone moves by black still water. So any water, I, I give it to anyone.
[00:54:57] I live by creeks, so I go to the creek and that's
[00:55:00] what, that's where ours is, is the creek.
[00:55:01] Yeah. So I live, I live outside Washington, DC there's a lot of like creek beds that are really undisturbed and there's a lot of like, LG and the rocks look black. And I'm like, it's good enough for me. So, you know, I'm, you have to work with what you have.
[00:55:17] Um, and for people that live in the desert, there's a metaphor for that too. Like, you know, there's always gonna be a modification. It's not like. There's only one way with deism. So when you are on, when you're at the, at the waters, you wanna ask the waters to start to replenish your kidneys, um, physically, energetically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.
[00:55:41] And so it's like an invitation. So it's really a bottom up approach. And like that is like, it's gonna be like a, um, like a re refilling. Like at first it's gonna be like, wow, I just got like a big drink. I'm so thirsty. But when you do it repetitively, it's not gonna, you're not gonna feel so thirsty. Like, you're gonna be able to like, like, oh, I took one sip.
[00:56:05] And that feels like the right amount. So people will oftentimes ask me like, how much time should I spend at the waters? Um, I just, I had a session with a, a priest this morning who was feeling a different heart issue. He, he needs to be by water. And I was like, you're, you need some silent contemplation time by the water.
[00:56:22] So it's been a day of this. Um, so it, it's like your system, your guides, the waters will even let you know, your kidneys will let you know. And so when the kidneys are satiated, you're gonna feel some like relief in your lower back.
[00:56:38] Mm-hmm.
[00:56:39] So it's gonna feel like, I, I can feel it right now in your field.
[00:56:43] Your heart's gonna kind of like settle down a a bit. Like it's going to like, um, it feels like it's like sand settling at the bottom of the ocean. Like it's just gonna settle. And the other thing that I'm gonna invite you to do, 'cause this would be very helpful for you, is, um, it's another, it's a practice from Qigong.
[00:57:01] So you're gonna make two fists and you're gonna put them, you're gonna lay down and you're gonna put your fist where your kidneys are. Mm-hmm. And for those of you who are listening, like, where are my kidneys? It's below your last ribs on your back, and you wanna have, this is not like a, I'm gonna squeeze this in practice.
[00:57:17] This is like, I need some space, not, not to be rushed and. You can close your eyes and imagine whatever, like night sky that is prolifically, um, peppered with stars.
[00:57:28] Okay.
[00:57:28] So when you do that, the cosmic, um, night sky is another, um, resource for the kidneys. And so rather than it being like a blood transfusion, you're gonna imagine the cosmic sky coming down through your arms, through your hands, and your kidneys are gonna fill up like drinking the cosmic night sky.
[00:57:50] Mm-hmm. And that is super helpful. It's helpful for like, um, like rebalancing kidneys and for nourishing them. And as you do that, it's also gonna help your heart to settle. Mm-hmm. So sometimes we have to work with heart, but in this situation, it's a heart kidney, it's a fire water rebalancing.
[00:58:13] Yep.
[00:58:14] Like, that's part of your integration practice.
[00:58:16] And if you wanna continue those practices after the three days, you can do so. But it, like the process itself will be complete in three days. And, um, you can start to then dialogue with your guides and you can have more of a direct conversation around, um, like for you. Great. It's, it's a bit more specific.
[00:58:39] Like you can ask for percentages. I, I do think you can get that. So you can ask, um, what percentage is it beneficial for me to stay at this job, you know, financially or for my family. You can ask like very, um, linear and, and um, specific questions. Not everyone can get numbers like that, but I, I do think you can, so you can kind of start to be curious like, oh, if it's 60% financial, then you can say, how long should I stay there?
[00:59:11] Should it be for three months? Should it be through the end of the calendar year? The end of the quarter? Like you can, you can ask, and a lot of my clients, we don't do Excel spreadsheets anymore, but like Google Docs, like you could put it in and be like, oh, I can see that, like what the data is. Um, and you can ask like, if I'm meant to do something else, is it another job or is it working for myself?
[00:59:31] How long, how long do you estimate it will take for me to build up, you know, the financial provision for my family? Like what, what should be the balance between the two and where do you recommend that I start getting like, referrals from, or like you, you have a big network, but when it's, uh, a life path that's realign real realigning spiritually mm-hmm.
[00:59:54] It, it will be very different than like how your logical brain is like, but I know this person and I've worked here and like, it's not like that. So you can ask your guides in your field of like, where's the most beneficial place for me to start?
[01:00:06] Okay.
[01:00:06] Like, it's not optimal because optimal sometimes goes beyond our limits.
[01:00:10] Beneficial. Like what is the most beneficial next step for me for exploring this? Um, and as you're, as you're, you're gonna feel it when your heart is finally down with your kidneys, and it will be through a practice of like really being with the contemplation. When you have that feeling, you're gonna be so clear about what it's, yeah.
[01:00:34] So this, this can be like, you know, like the first I talk about sweeps, like this is the first sweep. You're gonna start to get like the shape and form of the percentages. But then when the actual movement of the heart coming down to the kidneys, you're gonna have so much clarity and it's gonna feel like, it will feel profound.
[01:00:52] I can feel it, I can sense it. Um, and so that kind of profoundness your wife might be like, oh, here we go. Like, you know, you, you know, you might feel like so lit up by it, but um, it's gonna be. It's gonna feel like everything kind of locked in, like in like what you said, like all these, all these signs, all these moments will make better sense.
[01:01:15] Um, but we don't wanna, unfortunately, like this is not something to rush because the, the heart has to feel safe enough to come to the kidneys.
[01:01:25] Yep.
[01:01:26] So, um, that, that will be like,
[01:01:36] it's gonna take about, I think around six to eight weeks for that to happen for you.
[01:01:41] Okay.
[01:01:42] So digesting, integrating the upgraded life, life, uh, agreement is first, your contemplation practice is in between. And so it's, it's different then, like the process is integrated, but like the next layer is really spending time with the heart coming down to the kidneys.
[01:02:00] And acupuncture would be beneficial, but your system doesn't necessarily need that.
[01:02:07] Okay. Yeah, I've got, I've got one of those, um, that I see fairly, fairly regularly. I know where this creek is and I have, you know, multiple times a week where I could probably go to this. And so if what you're saying is to spend enough significant time there or nearby it, while also maybe in the evenings or at other points in times, laying on those fists, it was interesting as you were saying that my lower back has not hurt in a while, but I've started to feel a little bit of pulsation in that, that general vicinity.
[01:02:43] Yeah.
[01:02:44] Uh, just, just in this last hour or so. Um, but those things I feel like could be very, um, I don't wanna say easy, but habits that I could start to install if I can hang onto them for six to eight weeks to get a little bit more clarity around that.
[01:03:00] Yeah. That would be really helpful. And then like, even for you, like eating physical foods that are, um, nourishing in the kidney.
[01:03:06] So like things from the sea, like seaweed, kidney beans. Ironically,
[01:03:12] I eat sea, sea moss all the time as far as irre practice and so much hydration. It's not even funny.
[01:03:18] Blueberries like dark rich foods, like not rich, oily, but like, um, colorwise, like blues, blacks, purples. Um, those will be really nourishing.
[01:03:29] Mm-hmm. And, and also with your heart, 'cause we have to kind of like have a, a balance process for you to cool the heart. You need cool and bitter. And so, um, watermelon with salt, cucumbers, and then if you're into bitter melon or bitter gourd, those bitter, bitter tastes will also help pacify the heart because it's been, even though you're past the heart attack, you're still in this agitation with the current job.
[01:03:57] Um, and. You're gonna get clarity, you'll just get a lot of clarity around the boundaries that you need to set there.
[01:04:05] Okay.
[01:04:07] Yeah.
[01:04:10] How, how is all this landing?
[01:04:12] It's a lot. Uh, it's still digesting it. It's interesting when you say things like blueberries and, and dark, and I know that I probably need to eat more of the reds as far as beets and things like that for the heart. But like, those are the things I already gravitate towards.
[01:04:26] Mm-hmm. Maybe not necessarily bitterness. Uh, I don't know if I, unless, unless you're talking about dark chocolate, then I can eat my weight in that. But, but otherwise, blueberries are, have been a, a staple forever, so that that's not a problem.
[01:04:40] Yeah. Bitter. Bitter is especially important for someone who has such a tender heart because rather than have bitter experiences with life, we can, and we can kind of like self dose the bitterness and it helps take a
[01:04:52] pill.
[01:04:53] Yeah. It's like you don't have to take a bitter pill like, um, pharmaceutically or with people. Okay. Or with, you know, the, the way the state of the world, like you can kind of allow the bitterness to be digested. Mm-hmm. And so bitter is, you know, in a United States culture, food map, we don't really have bitter, we don't honor bitter.
[01:05:12] But bitter is really, really helpful with balancing heart medicine and balancing boundaries.
[01:05:17] The research, the research that more, 'cause I, I don't know that we've got that anywhere in the house.
[01:05:23] Yeah. It's gonna be, it's gonna be an adventure. Maybe your kids would like to, um, adventure with you on it. Like bitter is a hard, hard, um, taste for kids when they don't grow up with it.
[01:05:32] But it's like really helpful. Um, so sometimes it's bitter and sour together.
[01:05:37] Okay.
[01:05:38] It's okay if you get bitter and sour. Bitter and cooling is even better. Um, so like when you eat the watermelon, you wanna go all the way to the white and you wanna eat the white. 'cause that's where the bitter is.
[01:05:48] Okay.
[01:05:49] Yeah.
[01:05:49] So you, you'll, you'll be on your. Your bitter journey, like dosing, bitter rather than, um, having it land in your system or your systemic field goes with it. Yeah, yeah. You'll, you'll dose it. Um, and sometimes when people, I have a lot of like really heart forward, people getting, introducing bitter consciously, like I can digest the bitter, my heart can digest it, I can not kind of invoke it or play it out with people.
[01:06:17] It, it will help to pacify that kind of heat.
[01:06:20] Yeah. Okay. Thank
[01:06:24] you for that. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have any other questions or any other things you wanna name?
[01:06:29] Well, I mean, I, I'm so curious about this whole like, life agreement thing and like how that goes about as far as being able to, to brokerage on my part and like.
[01:06:39] Uh, getting installed, the installation of, of new guides and, and that nature. Like, is there generally like a certain number of guides or like, how, how does this sh how does this show up? Like how do I know them? Name them, talk to them, things of that nature.
[01:06:58] So, you know, just like, you know, people in our life, there's no set number.
[01:07:02] Like how do we meet friends as adults? Like, not that guides are our friends all the time, but, um, the guides will kind of come forward and introduce themself to you. And so no one, there's no set, no set number, but my sense is that you're gonna get a guide that really understands what it means to be human.
[01:07:20] Okay?
[01:07:21] So not all guides understand what it means to be human. And like, it's great to have spiritual guides, but you don't need, like, that's not, you need guides for like here on earth. Um, and so they can be like a, a broker between the spiritual guide sometimes, and I think that that will be a big help to your system.
[01:07:39] Um, and especially around like, um, like give and take with money, like finances, like that will be like, some guides are like, but just you have all these gifts, just go for it. And like, like, oh yeah, we didn't really understand money. Like, or like, oh, we didn't really understand, like, you know, people taking advantage of you.
[01:08:00] Like, it's part of a spiritual journey. So we want, like we, we want at least one guy that can keep it real with the other guides who are like out in the clouds. So out in the clouds, some people need more out in the clouds. One because they're so, um, logical and didactic and practical. So everyone needs something different.
[01:08:16] There's not one size fits all guide, um, group. Your guides will come through the contemplation practice for you. Not everyone gets it that way, but when you are kind of really replenished and you're starting to feel, um. Just like you're gonna feel more like you.
[01:08:34] Mm-hmm.
[01:08:35] Like you already feel like you, but when you're gonna feel like less of, um, the vestiges of this agreement and more, more, um, grayness, you're gonna feel like, oh, something, something shifted.
[01:08:48] And you can start to ask like, like the um, very typical spiritual question of like knocking at the door every day and somebody will answer.
[01:08:57] Okay.
[01:08:58] And so, um, you can ask the guides very specific question, like, are you the one that's gonna help me with the human things? Are you one that's gonna be my spiritual advisor?
[01:09:06] And then sometimes some guides have names, like recognizable names we could Google and some guides are like, don't even try and say my name. You know, my daughter is very intuitive. And, um, we had a guide that introduced, um, itself to my daughter and gave a really like fun name. And it also is a name that's like.
[01:09:28] In different places. It means different things. And she was telling one of my adult friends that she also is friends with, and she was like, oh, is it like this? And we both said, oh, this guy is, is like a Mongolian shaman. And that's what he just told us to call him. So it's like the guides can be funny too.
[01:09:47] So I don't really know his Mongolian name. He doesn't want me to butcher it. He doesn't want my daughter to butcher it. But we have a name that he has chosen for himself. We haven't assigned it. Um, it's not like guides are not like pets. We don't, um, we're not like naming the guides. They're, they're telling us they're, they're identifying.
[01:10:05] Um, so you will have clarity about like what the ex, what the exchange should be.
[01:10:11] Okay. Okay.
[01:10:13] And, you know, not everybody has detrimental agreements that were made against recommendations, so.
[01:10:21] Yep.
[01:10:21] Um, I'm only allowed to know about this one for you, so I don't have like. I don't have the purview at this point of like, if you have others, but for this one, this is important enough to just focus on this one at this time.
[01:10:33] Okay.
[01:10:35] Okay. So there could be multiple layers of agreements. This one just seems to be screaming the loudest and detrimental means it's an agreement that will ultimately be detrimental to me. Or, so it
[01:10:46] was that it was, it was detrimental because you didn't know the terms and conditions.
[01:10:51] Okay.
[01:10:52] You didn't know you were gonna be on the receiving end of the thing that you couldn't understand.
[01:10:55] Oh,
[01:10:56] so it wasn't a, it wasn't a pun. No one made you sign this. You, you signed it with yourself.
[01:11:01] Got it.
[01:11:02] And so now we, we've updated the agreement. Okay. It's not completely gone, but we've updated it so it's not detrimental anymore.
[01:11:10] Okay. Gotcha. Gotcha. Thanks for that. Yeah. Clarifier there.
[01:11:14] Yeah. I'm sure a lot of people are like, what does that mean?
[01:11:16] So, you know, everyone, it's like, it's kind of like I'm a, um. I'm a spiritual attorney slash consultant for people now. So my religious clients tell me that I'm an intercessor. That's the word that that's used in religion. Oh, okay. Someone who prays, prays to God. God listens on, I, I can pray on people's behalf.
[01:11:35] And then, um, God sometimes pleased me about people and it's, it's, it's like that, but also with some other things too. So I'm able to be the go-between.
[01:11:47] Got it.
[01:11:47] And so when I did the process for you, I'm the go-between with the beings that you made that were, that that can help. So it's not that I'm the one who's helping, but I have the capacity to ask on your behalf.
[01:12:01] And they have the capacity to update the agreement.
[01:12:05] Gotcha.
[01:12:05] And some agreements just like mortgages are terminated. This one was, this one was not a termination.
[01:12:10] Okay. Okay.
[01:12:12] Yeah.
[01:12:13] They're still a longer term. They've, they've, they've just changed, changed some of the conditions.
[01:12:18] They've changed the terms and conditions and, and yours actually was a very gentle one.
[01:12:21] It was an amendment.
[01:12:23] Okay, that's good. So
[01:12:24] it can be terminated, revoked. And then there's other kind of just like legal terms, like
[01:12:30] Yeah,
[01:12:30] there are other actions that can happen and there are other kind of subprocesses and you, you, you only had one subprocess.
[01:12:38] Okay.
[01:12:39] That's also like, even though it's been quite painful for you, it's, it's not as complicated as some of the other ones that I've had.
[01:12:45] Okay. Well that's, that's good to hear. And I appreciate your brokerage and being able to have this ability to have these conversations. I can only imagine, and I'm sure having had many conversations like this with folks like myself, what this does for you as far as en energy level or like I've seen like, like misty mustiness and sniffles and drinking, anything else like that, that I'm sure that this is part of that process of being able to put yourself in that field and provide that as a service.
[01:13:16] So I, I really deeply thank you as far as like, one being able to spend the time with me, but also two of like put that on. You have that ability to, to go back and forth in that sense in efforts to hopefully help me through this process too.
[01:13:33] Thank you Gray. And I would say that I'm not allowed to work with everybody.
[01:13:37] So I have a life, I, before I do anything, if it's on the podcast or with private clients, I have to check and make sure that I have a life agreement with you. So I I, I do have a life agreement with you. So we, we decided this before we incarnated that I was gonna help you with this. And my heart, my heart is, um, I, I promised a lot of people that I would help.
[01:13:59] Yeah.
[01:14:00] Wow. And so I, I've not always used the word life agreements, but I've done it in many different ways, you know, consciously for 25 years in this life.
[01:14:08] Wow.
[01:14:08] Um, but you know, I'm very humbled and the people that I'm supposed to help are people that have a, a ripple, ripple effect.
[01:14:15] Yeah.
[01:14:16] So you being more whole, like in your wholeness, it has something to deal with.
[01:14:21] The wholeness of humanity and
[01:14:26] Yeah.
[01:14:26] The universe.
[01:14:28] I
[01:14:28] so.
[01:14:29] In, in saying that right there, that the thing that's coming to mind for me, and maybe this is our, this is our closer here, is that like my, what I purpose in life is how can I help the most people possible in this lifetime? And that has always been what stuck with me as far as like, this is a career as like how to impact people's lives and whatever.
[01:14:49] It's like what, whatever that happens to be, that is what, that's what I'm here to do.
[01:14:55] Yeah. And, and you're gonna get, you're gonna get clarity. Like part of the beau the beauty and also the, the heartache of this process is like, I have a, I've been given incredible gifts and I have an incredible access, but my purview is my purview and I cannot go outside of it.
[01:15:10] So I have to be in right relationship with the people that I have promised and that they have told me that I can help. And so sometimes after these most recent podcast episodes, people write to me with things that another version of me who didn't understand right relationship, I would've reflexively or reactively just been like, I'm such a big heart.
[01:15:26] Like I will help. But I understand that I'm meddling when I do that, when I don't have a life agreement. Got it. And so, you know, I was a psychotherapist for a really long time. You have, you can't take everybody on. Right. And it's, it's even more significant with this. And when you, as you get the update for what, who you're supposed to help.
[01:15:45] My, my, um,
[01:15:51] I would say my biggest repre uh, recommendation is like, is this my role? Mm-hmm. Do, do I have a life agreement with this? And when you are a provider, it always should be that you have the life agreement.
[01:16:03] Mm-hmm.
[01:16:05] If you and I were gonna do this and I didn't know, I didn't check, and you had a life agreement with me, but I didn't have one with you and you're on the receiving end, it would go really sideways.
[01:16:15] Yep.
[01:16:15] And my sense is with some of the jobs that you had, I'm allowed to check. Mm-hmm. Um, you have not had a life agreement with some of the jobs that were really sideways.
[01:16:23] Mm.
[01:16:25] So. It's like we, we have so many gifts, and then we do it because we can, but then when we don't have a life agreement, it's like we don't understand sometimes that we are, we're meddling and we don't, we don't this, this kind of wisdom of like, what is, what is our, um, what, what is our path?
[01:16:47] What are we supposed to be helping with versus like a bigger catchall. And so I'm never like, I get like, you know, 30 emails a week of like, your podcast isn't being found and like, you're not optimizing your Instagram bio. And it's like, that's not how I get my clients. They're sent, they're sent by a bigger force that I don't, they fully understand and I'm not s different.
[01:17:09] What's that?
[01:17:10] I said your algorithm's different.
[01:17:12] Yeah. My algorithm is really different. And I have the humility to know that I'm not meant to be famous. That's not what this is about. Yeah. And like, I'm not meant to be on a big platform. I'm meant to help the people that I. I know it's been hard for lifetimes.
[01:17:28] Yeah.
[01:17:29] And, um, I've been asked in peculiar ways. So it's, it's never straightforward for me. And, um, it's always a choice. But I've been asked to do, um, really complex things and I have humility to understand that. Like, that's not an easy, it's not an easy Yes. And not everyone has that, like, not everyone listening is gonna get this kind of assignment, but the assignment that I took on in this lifetime is, um, not an easy one.
[01:17:59] Yeah. And I have a sense that you have something like that too. And, um, you're gonna get clarity about what, like, the logistics of it, like the nuts and bolts of it is what, what they say to me. Like the nuts and bolts will become clearer and, um, to be in right relationship with it. Like.
[01:18:22] Hmm.
[01:18:22] It, it will be, it'll be something that feels very, like hidden in plain sight, but then it's, it's right there.
[01:18:28] It's gonna be like, it's been there the whole time.
[01:18:30] Yeah. Well, I very much thank you for the time and thank you for, um, the, the clarity that will be in time.
[01:18:40] Yeah. Yeah. And divine timing. So thank you Gray, and thank you to all those who have stayed, stayed with us for this journey. Um, I hope that whatever path you're on, if you're in your own mid-course correction, that you, um, know that there's different possibilities available, available to you.
[01:18:59] And if you are wanting support in this process, please reach out to me. Email me, amy@amybabish.com. And otherwise, I will see you in our next episode, sending you blessings from the hot, hot, hot heat wave of the dag land that I, I steward outside of Washington, DC Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.