Facing the Fears Around Family Secrets
In today’s client session with Stephanie, you’ll better understand how I narrow in on which healing modality will be most supportive.
Initially, we thought we’d be doing a combination of somatic work and alchemical constellation work. But after asking Steph some questions, it was clear where we needed to take the session.
In this episode, we focused on Steph’s intention of continuing her healing journey after tragedy. More tragedy was revealed as part of this complex and potent conversation.
You’ll especially want to tune into this client session if you, too:
» have gone through cancer diagnosis & treatment
» experienced secrets suppressed in the family
» like to feel a sense of control
» lost a father at a young age
» find yourself hermitting
**TW: This conversation includes mentions of sexual abuse, rape, and human trafficking. If you choose to listen, take gentle care.
Topics covered in this podcast episode:
Where Steph is at on her emotional journey around a complex situation
How Amy narrows in on which modality will be most supportive for clients
What could be a spiritual root or cause of cancer
Cards Amy pulled prior to Steph’s client session
How the land impacts our physical & emotional healing
The 5 layers in Taoism of an issue
Why Amy needed to do a condensed version of ancestral work here
What an ancestral entanglement is
How an entanglement impacts your life & present moment
What can happen during these sessions when someone wasn’t being heard
What you can do to help yourself and your ancestor
What’s important about the fire element with constellation work
How to bring your ancestors into your daily life more
I hope this episode nourishes you if you find you relate at all to Steph’s journey. For anyone who doesn’t, I hope you can have compassion and empathy for those who are walking around with complex and painful trauma.
And I hope that this episode nourishes your relationship with the sacred masculine—we all need that at this time and throughout all of history.
If this episode resonates, please leave a review for the podcast. The door is open for guests to be on the show who would like to go deep with me and, of course, to listeners who want to join us on that shared journey.
Resources:
Adrienne Maree Brown - Ancestors Come into the Room
Trevor Hall - Everything I Need
Connect with Amy:
The unedited podcast transcript for this episode of The Soulful Visionary Podcast follows:
Amy Babish: I'm your host, Amy Babish, and today we have a wonderful guest, Steph. And we're just going to jump right in. I'm not sure where we're headed today. I don't know her intention ahead of time, so we're just going to dive right in. So, Steph, welcome, welcome, welcome.
Steph: Thank you.
Amy Babish: Thank you for being here. Thank you for being brave. Do you have a sense of what your intention is for our work together today?
Steph: I do have, I'd say, a sense of my intention. I would say that. So I was diagnosed and treated for breast cancer a few years ago, and I have gone through that process. I am now cancer free, but not free from, you know, everything around, around it. I'm kind of at the. On my emotional stage at this point, my emotional journey. And so my intention is to, I guess, do what I can to keep moving through. You know, in the beginning, I had lots of, you know, surgeons and doctors and physical therapists and all of these kind of guiding me through.
Steph: And I feel like I could use a little bit more guidance in how to move through this next part of my healing.
Amy Babish: Amazing. And if you, if you had a sense of, like, this is what it feels like to be on the other side or moving through, do you know what that feels like in your body or do you have a sense of, like, some tangibles? So that way we know we're kind of. It helps us to shape where we're headed.
Steph: Like, what it would feel like once I did move through?
Amy Babish: Yeah, yeah.
Steph: What it would feel like once if I did move through, I'd have more acceptance of my body since I did have reconstruction. So I have implants. I'd have more. And just. I also had some, you know, complications with the surgery and things like that, so things didn't go exactly as I planned. And so moving through that would mean accepting things as they are. And that is a lot easier to say than to feel in your body. Right now, I feel very stuck in the same place.
Amy Babish: Okay. And when you say stuck in the same place, do you have a sense of where that place is?
Steph: You know, there's a lot of language repeating in my brain. I feel like I'm stuck. It's almost. I take myself back to the moment of, oh, if only this would have happened. It's like replaying a movie and hoping that the ending changes, but it doesn't. So it's reliving disappointment over and over.
Amy Babish: And would you say that's a certain moment, like, when the surgeries had to go a different way or after it was all done? Like, can you help us kind of know that moment?
Steph: The moment is when the surgeries had to go a different way and I had to make a decision that was not the plan. And so from then on, you know, I've been sort of replaying that disappointment of, you know, getting diagnosed with cancer. There was so much out of my control already that, you know, and I like to be. I like to feel in control. So to lose that control, I still feel a little bit, maybe discombobulated is the word, or thrown off or. Yeah.
Amy Babish: Yeah. And do you have a sense, like, in other parts of your life? Because life is full of things that we can't control. Do you have a sense of, like, another time in your life where things didn't go as planned? Maybe not as significant, but still significant for you of why this time is different or is this, like, exactly the same as how it went with the other scenarios or scenario?
Steph: Interesting question. I mean, I generally don't like the feeling of being out of control. I have dealt with, you know, major loss. I would call, you know, dealing with. With cancer and the surgery also a major loss. My father passed away when I was younger. Yeah. So, you know, I've dealt with being out of control in that way.
Steph: And I was probably, let's see, maybe 13, 14. So it's hard for me to remember exactly how I felt. Besides, like, you know, kind of just lose your mind a little bit.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: Yeah.
Amy Babish: And maybe, like, going through, like, a replaying of sorts.
Steph: Yeah.
Amy Babish: Okay.
Steph: Exactly. Yeah.
Amy Babish: So feels like there might be some interconnectedness, but we're gonna. We're gonna give it some work. We'll give it some support. So thank you for naming it so. So clearly. And it's complex. And we're gonna just see how much support we can offer today. And when we start this kind of work, because I'm not sure exactly what modality we're going to use, I'm going to ask kind of a series of questions that's going to guide which way we're going to head, because there's a couple different, like, doors that are opening as you start to speak.
Amy Babish: So as you just shared those first initial layers around your intention, and then me asking a couple questions that led us to the death of your father when you were 13 or 14, does anything start to come up in your body?
Steph: I would say anything that I do start to feel. I'm actually pretty good at sort of regulating and saying, you know, not now, okay.
Amy Babish: Not now.
Steph: Okay. Even when I. Yeah, I feel like I'm in a good place to kind of. To feel that. But that is one thing that is difficult for me at times is to really name what's happening.
Amy Babish: Okay.
Steph: In my. You know, there's a lot of chatter that goes on.
Amy Babish: Okay, okay. And then.
Steph: But I do feel a little sweaty. That does.
Amy Babish: Yeah. Something's happening.
Steph: My body temperature does go up. Yeah.
Amy Babish: Okay. So your body's starting to tell us. And in somatic work. So this. These are somatic questions. In somatic work, when heat starts to come, that's a sign of aliveness. And so something. Your body starting to heat up, that's like something.
Amy Babish: Something's coming online, which is. Even though it's uncomfortable to be hot and sweaty.
Steph: Yes.
Amy Babish: So if you're. If your body was starting to go cold, that would tell me something's completing or starting to shut down. So I'm going to talk you through how I'm going to guide us. So it's not like. It's not a mystery. And then my other question for discernment is, do you have a sense of what was at the spiritual root or cause of your cancer?
Steph: I have a sense, and I go kind of in and out of. Of whether or not it's valid. But I do feel like it kind of correlates to what I just said of keeping things in.
Amy Babish: Yep.
Steph: I feel like. And the word secrets has come up a lot. Yeah. Keeping things in and also kind of expanding that to family as well. I'd say my immediate family, you know, keeps a lot of family secrets. There's a lot of just. That's. That's suppressing yeah, so that's kind of my gut a little bit.
Amy Babish: Yeah. And when I tuned in before the session, and this has been a long a session, long time coming for those listening. And so whenever we start the conversation of hey, hey, I think I want to be a podcast guest, that's when the work starts. And so each time we've had contact, if it's, you know, in a presume or in the emails, each time we've come back. And I also know another family member of yours who has also said, I think she wants to work on family secrets. So I have that, you know, kind of preloaded front loaded guidance, but I always am like checking like for my bias for, you know, I want to make sure that we're as clean as possible and it's really congruent with what would be most supportive for you. And so I did pull a card, I pulled some cards before we got on. So kind of like, what, what can, how can I be high of service to you, to your life, to your soul and to your ancestors? And so the card that I pulled for like what's at the base of it is the hermit.
Amy Babish: And so in this deck that I use for this process, it's the wild unknown. It's a turtle who is pretty much in their shell. And there is a beautiful single. It feels like an oil lit candlelight on top of the shell that's illuminating everything. So as we kind of contextualize both the somatic piece and then the possible, like your known family, that's, that's not necessarily ancestors but like the known family context, what happens as I share that layer?
Steph: Wow. A lot of like, wow, I can't believe you pulled that card. Definitely the turtle resonates quite a bit. I feel like that I've never actually really considered this, but I'm like, I'm kind of like a turtle a little bit, I think.
Amy Babish: And maybe what happened around the death of the father brought out that turtleness as a protection.
Steph: Yes. Yeah. And I often can feel, you know, very exposed when I come out of my shell, you know, and often there can be, maybe even regret if I come out and then feel exposed and, you know, want to immediately go back in the light, the soft glowing light in the card that made me feel good, that made me smile, that felt like, you know, illumination, knowledge, those types of things felt, you know, you could see the path ahead of you. So coming out perhaps as, you know, encouraged.
Amy Babish: Yeah. So. So as you name this, we were we between you and I, we're going to have to walk that fine line of, of allowing this to be different for you. So to do this work, I do have a sense it's going to be ancestral work with maybe a little bit of somatic work. It's like, how do I support you so that you don't feel overexposed and want to retreat? Like we call it having a contraction. So this work is very expansive and then like I'm bringing everything in and I'm turtling like, you know, like a turtle. It's too scary. So really to know that what we do today is going to be hopefully right sized for you and your systemic field.
Amy Babish: That's the way we talk about it. And that like, after this work you shared with me beforehand, you're on, you're on different land. This is something you look forward to. You're in a sunny place in a different time zone than usual. So it's like really, I can feel the land. The land that you're in is very sunny. And so that is like, really, that's going to be a huge resource as you integrate this work. Making sure you drink a lot of water.
Amy Babish: I have no doubt if you're like your other family member that I know that you probably are very health, health minded.
Steph: Yeah.
Amy Babish: Yes. So I don't have to give you that, like, don't drink caffeine or alcohol when you do that. This work is like on all levels, physical, emotional, spiritual, energetic. And so our physical body is going to really like detox a lot after it. And so eating like bitter greens, like things that can help detox, like the blood.
Steph: Okay.
Amy Babish: And that when this is worth kind of naming, this is from my background as a Taoist. In Taoism, we talk about the progression of a challenge or an opportunity, that the first layer is, is the spiritual. And that like doesn't mean it's religious, but it comes in through a spiritual process. And some of us notice it at a spiritual level and some of us that's just not our curriculum. And so then the next level is the intellectual, emotional and energetic. And sometimes we start to have thoughts about it. Like you might have started to notice like, oh, I turtle or oh, there's a lot of family secrets here. But like we keep it moving.
Amy Babish: We're like, I can't do anything about it. Like it is what it is. And the last level of a challenger and opportunity is the physical level.
Steph: Okay.
Amy Babish: So knowing that your body was the place that in your breasts, that was the place of saying, I really want to change this pattern. Perhaps your soul. I Can almost feel the power of it. It's like this stops with me. So how does it resonate as I. As I name that progression?
Steph: I feel a little nervous, but also curious. And I do know if this is. I don't want to say right or wrong, but I. I do like a challenge, so I feel like I'm up for the challenge.
Amy Babish: Like, when you frame it that way. Giddy up. So it's, you know, this is a. We're going to name it as. This is a layer. And the layer is oftentimes a portal for healing and trans. Not just transformation, but I am. I support people with transmutation.
Amy Babish: So, like, when little kids reading about, like, the frog becomes a flower, it's not just the. It's not just the frog can now leap and fly. It's like it becomes something else. And I have a sense with what we're going to step into, there is an opportunity to be supported, to transmute. Not just, you know, not being able to be present and accept like, and disappointment. Like, that is. That is the. That is the emotional, energetic, intellectual layer.
Amy Babish: But whatever it is in the physical body, that's still. Like, I've supported many people through double mastectomies. That's like, to have to make that choice and in this part of the moment is not easy. And whatever. We don't know yet what's at the full spiritual root of it is, but we have a sense that it's connected to the hermit, which was also your lived experience for many, many years. So we're kind of. You can't see me on the. On the podcast because we don't video, but I'm holding.
Amy Babish: It's almost like a sphere of. These are the pieces that are starting to come into place that are saying, we're a part of this for you. And my deep sense is that it's not all yours. Okay, so would you like to go a little deeper?
Steph: Absolutely.
Amy Babish: Okay, so when we do this work, it's guided by intention, and your intention is really clear. And so we're just going to start to, like, tune into and I'll guide you through it where in the systemic field this. Who it belongs to. And so it's a very different way of working, like, rather than it's like Steph's job to change your mind and just accept and work, digest the disappointment and, like, be present. Like, that's kind of like a very, like, Western colonial, charcoal misogynistic way of, like, if I think I can, I can do it. And like, it's not about our mind. This is. This goes beyond the mind and especially within the context of understanding that most things start at a real esoteric level and they come through in this progression.
Amy Babish: That kind of spiritual curriculum cannot be forced. Like, the mind doesn't control spirit or soul. It doesn't work like that.
Steph: Right.
Amy Babish: So we're starting to kind of tune into. I'm conscious of this, and I had a, you know, a significant, very physical consequence of what I'm carrying. But if we start to ask the question even to yourself, we'll just start there. Did this hermiting and having to really come within. Did it start with me? Yeah, I can see it. It's like, clear as day. You're shaking your head and you're laughing.
Steph: Sorry. No, I meant to feel deep. I was like, oh, I already. No, no, no, I can feel that already.
Amy Babish: Yeah. And so that was my choice point of the doors of like, is it somatic? If you had the experience of. No, no, no one else in my system. No one else. I know this is, like, my stuff. We would have gone a different route, but because you even named. This is a family. This is why my family does this.
Amy Babish: This is like my last check and balance to make sure I'm being authentic with you around. Like, what's the best. Best process to use? Okay, so what we're going to do is we're both going to close our eyes, and we're going to ask both of your parents to come behind you. And so your mom will come behind your left shoulder, and your dad will come behind your right shoulder. And we're going to ask them, do you carry this pattern of. Of hermit, of turtling, of family secrets? And let me know what you notice. Step.
Steph: You know, almost body language.
Amy Babish: Yeah. Yeah.
Steph: I can't hear. I can't hear an answer.
Amy Babish: That's okay.
Steph: But I. I can, like, imagine and. And feel my mom's body language, which is very much shoulders up.
Amy Babish: Yeah. Like a turtle.
Steph: Mm. Yes. Yeah. And then I can feel my dad's, which is very open, smiling, chuckling. Yeah.
Amy Babish: I can feel he's excited for you to do this. Yeah. He wants this for you. So we're going to ask your mom. Your dad can still be there, but we're going to focus on your maternal line. So we're going to ask your mom. Did this pattern start with you?
Steph: So my body on my left side feels really tight. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, in my mind, I. I know that it couldn't have.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: Started with her.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: That's what my mind's kind of saying, and my body just feels tight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish: So when we do this kind of work, all kinds of layers of sensation come through. So some people, I don't, I don't see things. I'm not a seer usually, occasionally, like once in a while. But somatically, it's really helpful to tune in. And the left side of our body is the maternal side.
Steph: And so.
Amy Babish: Sometimes when we do this work and we have a timeline, timelines, time, limited session. Today, we're going to stick to the time. So we're going to, we're going to do a Cliffs Note for this one. And so the listeners are going to be like, oh, this is curveball, because I haven't done this live before. So what you're going to do is it's called we're going to step it back. And so we're going to step back. You're going to step back in time with your maternal lineage and you're going to ask them to show you the time, the context, the historical context of when this started for them. And so you might like skip four generations, it might be five generations, it might be 10, I don't know.
Amy Babish: But they're going to show you where this started. And when you figure that out, when they share, when they share that, you're going to ask, who am I with? And you might not get a name, you might, you might not get a gender, but you might get an age. It's, it's very ancestor dependent.
Steph: Oh, I've never done anything like this before, but. So it's super strange.
Amy Babish: It's wild.
Steph: Yeah, very wild. And I'm trying to just follow my gut and not be like influenced. I feel like a lot of emotion coming up. Yes, yes, that is for sure. And I, I can't like lock on it, but I see like a, maybe somebody like 9 or 10, like a younger girl. Yeah, but it's, I've never done anything like this before. So I'm, I'm like, I don't know where that came from.
Amy Babish: Yeah, yeah. So this, this is your ancestral field. This is, we call this the systemic field. And so oftentimes when people do ancestry work, they leave out the cultural, historical or systemic field. And so I am a global minority person. You are a global majority person. And in this body, sometimes ancestors don't want to work with this, the body that I carry. But I think that your ancestors know that I work with another person in your family's field.
Amy Babish: And so they're more willing Right now. And so it might seem kind of like out of the blue or wild or really weird, but we already have a shared context in your systemic field with me. And what happens, what we, what we call this is an ancestral entanglement. And so something happened in history to this nine year old girl and. Yeah, yeah, let the feelings come. It's so important. Yeah, yeah. And if you need water or tissue.
Amy Babish: Yeah, there's going to be a lot of emotion. I can, I can feel it. When I did my extra tune in this morning, yeah, and I use music and I was given a song by Adrienne Maree Brown about ancestors. That was the song that came in. And that's pretty clear, pretty low hanging fruit. Like you can't get any clearer. Ancestors, come into the room with us. We will listen.
Amy Babish: We will listen for you. And so I knew your ancestors wanted to work with you today. I didn't know if you wanted to work with them. So we had to take it one step at a time. So within entanglement, it's the best way to explain it is that it's hidden in plain sight. So when you're not in the entanglement, you might not feel like this in other parts of your life. Like you not might not feel like the hermit or you might not be as tuned into family secrets. But when it comes to whatever this kind of Venn diagram, like this is the confluence of where her life.
Amy Babish: It's like a boomerang or a rubber band. She brings the past into your present. And so it happened once with your dad's death and now it's happening again around you being able to fully digest a double mastectomy that went a different way. So two tragedies. I know you're. It's important to name to presence tragedy. Your dad's death was a tragedy. Yeah.
Amy Babish: So there's something about tragedy that and hiding and keeping secrets that's related to her. So what happens as I start to name that?
Steph: Okay.
Amy Babish: Yeah, yeah. So in this process, we're going to give her a resource that she didn't have that was not available to her when she was nine. And it helps to know the historical or systemic context. But if she's not able to show us, that's okay too. But I am getting something. But it's important that it comes from you because it's your system, it's your tune in. And so we're going to tune back in and ask her and ask your ancestors to show us the context so they might show us where she lived. They might show us the land.
Amy Babish: They might show us the historical context, because that's going to help us to know or even if she can share the tragedy.
Steph: I'm getting the first image I got. I can't see her face, just her body. And it's dark and it's a dirt floor, and in my mind it's a basement. And then the other thing that I keep seeing is like a. Like a. A meadow, like medium grass and a meadow. And I don't know what that is. Anytime I try to think, oh, maybe I'm putting that image in my head and think of something else.
Steph: I'm like, is there a river there? And there's. There's no river. So that's all. That's all I'm kind of getting maybe a house, but I'm not sure.
Amy Babish: Can you see her clothes at all?
Steph: I see like a. It's like a. A white, plain, simple dress. And I saw blue. Maybe a blue apron or something like that.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: Yeah.
Amy Babish: It feels like we're pretty far back. I don't know if it feels like that to you.
Steph: I can't. Well, there's. I don't see any other details, but it does. It does feel far back, but I'm not seeing any details to tell me what the time.
Amy Babish: Yeah. Yeah.
Steph: Would be.
Amy Babish: So we can ask her. Did this start with you? Because we still might have to go one more. One more layer back. Did the hermiting to the secret keeping. Did this start with you?
Steph: I can't hear a yes, yes or no. But when I pay attention to my body, it feels. It feels like a yes. It did.
Amy Babish: Okay.
Steph: It's because it feels a little settled, but I'm having a hard time, you know, like, I don't hear anything or. Yeah. I'm having a hard time knowing whether or not I'm getting the answer.
Amy Babish: So knowing that we're dealing with secrets, it might be something to say to her. Like, I. I understand family secrets and to say we use statements. And this is alchemical family systems, consolation work. And so the statement that I'm hearing is, I belong to your family secret or your family secrets. How does it. How does it resonate in your body when I, When I name that?
Steph: I feel like I am. Like I didn't have my eyes closed this time.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: When you said that. But I felt like we were kind of standing face to face.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: With the same body language.
Amy Babish: Yeah. So that's the resonance and the entanglement is quite complex. But we just. When we say that statement Allows like the. The part of the truth to come through. Like, rather than being able to be fully accepting your own life, which is your intention and your own body, and work through all the emotions of your father's death, of your double mastectomy, your own loss. The entanglement brings us back into the family secret, into the herme. That's where we.
Amy Babish: That's where our belonging goes. So we can't belong to our own life when we're fully entangled. So to say to her, I don't know what you've gone through, but I see you on a dirt floor as a little girl and I know that there's family secrets involved and I belong to those. And. And I'm here to work this through with what happens for. For you when you engage, kind of speak with her in this way.
Steph: I feel like she can see me and that we're both scared.
Amy Babish: Yeah, yeah.
Steph: I want to. Like at first I tried to come more of like a. Like I've got this type of way.
Amy Babish: Yeah. Yeah.
Steph: And then I. I'm had to admit, I'm like, I actually. I don't know if I have this. But you know, we can do this together.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: Yeah.
Amy Babish: And it's important to be authentic with her. So it's okay to say to her, family secrets scare the. Out of me. And I paid the price for that. And I can see you've paid for the price. Price for it too.
Steph: And I can still. I can still feel it a lot, you know, on. On the. On the left side, on my heart side.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: Yeah.
Amy Babish: So if the more like it's. If it's not just fear, but it makes me angry, it makes me like rage filled. Like whatever the authentic emotion is because you're also entangled with that around it with her too. Even though you become calm and I can put it away, it's been like eating away. We now know at your breasts. So the. The core of being a woman. The core of being a girl.
Amy Babish: The femininity. In my experience, when it comes to sexual organs, cancer, it's about the core of being a girl or a woman. Yeah. So you can say we. You've paid a high price and I paid a high price around being a girl and woman and family secrets and hermitting and putting all the emotions down and whatever that authentic emotion is or whatever mix of emotions is to share it with her because she doesn't know about that you are able to do things she couldn't do. What happens when you. When you are authentic with her.
Steph: Still Feel scared. Yes.
Amy Babish: It's okay to feel scared.
Steph: Yeah. But I feel also protective.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: Yeah, I feel protective. Inquisitive about her.
Amy Babish: Yeah, yeah.
Steph: And who she is. And a little stiff. Yeah.
Amy Babish: So you're going to know, what I say next is it's always like, what. What is true for you. It's not. Oh, I see you're talking. It looks like you lost sound. So this is important for anyone listening. Steph has lost sound. And we're going to say this is in the field.
Amy Babish: So can you hear me, Steph?
Steph: Did that work?
Amy Babish: Yeah, that worked. Yeah. Could you. Could you. Could you hear me?
Steph: I couldn't hear the last thing you.
Amy Babish: Said, so I said this is important for you and for people who are listening.
Steph: Okay.
Amy Babish: In the ancestral field, when we have something like that, like you. I couldn't hear you. And so there's something about not being heard for her. And what I was going to say right before this was. I was going to ask you if this feels resonant, to ask her, giving her permission to share her secret with you. Was she able?
Steph: I asked. Yeah. Yeah.
Amy Babish: What happened for you and her?
Steph: I asked and asked. Yeah.
Amy Babish: And so you just keep. Oh, go ahead. Go ahead.
Steph: I say. I just keep getting the same image. I actually asked if we could go back out to the grass.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: Because we're still down in the dark in what feels like a basement. Yeah. But I couldn't quite get us out to, like, the sunlight in the grass.
Amy Babish: Okay. So, you know, as we're doing the process, I'm also tuning in on my side, so I'm getting a message about what the secret might be. But I feel like this is the time where we might need to bring the resource in.
Steph: Okay.
Amy Babish: And so the resource is for her, and the resource can be literally anything. And so it feels like the secret that she's carrying is around safety. So you can ask her, is the secret around safety?
Steph: So I feel like, again, I'm seeing. I'm not getting, like, you know, a talking.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: Answer, but it feels like now, which is really interesting, I'm seeing her, like, still downstairs, but running.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: Almost in a circle. Yeah. So I don't know if, if. If. If that's a clue at all.
Amy Babish: You could ask her, are you playing or are you stuck?
Steph: From what I feel and what I see, I feel like she's trapped down there.
Amy Babish: Yeah. Yeah. So when we. When we invite a resource in, you're going to be able to notice first. And so the resource can literally be anything. And so when you Think about even in 2025, when we're recording this, a nine year old who's trapped in a basement on a dirt floor, she needs protection. Yeah. That brings up emotion.
Amy Babish: Yeah. And so in a context like this, she needs something that's probably beyond what her mind can realize, because when you're in that kind of situation, it feels like there's nothing that will protect you. Yeah. And what happens for you, Step? As I name. As I name how big the resource needs to be.
Steph: Oh, just. Just a lot of fear.
Amy Babish: Yeah. Yeah.
Steph: Yeah.
Amy Babish: So I'm going to get. Because of the vulnerability conversation we had at the beginning, I want to ask you, you know, permission. Would it be helpful for you to know what I. What I have been feeling as might be the secret? Because sometimes people are like, no, that doesn't really matter to me. So it's really, It's. It's not, it's not about Amy. It's about Steph. So I have a sense that she's a slave.
Amy Babish: And what she shared with me was that she didn't say. It wasn't in words. It was more in like a. Like a. A message. So that's. I don't hear things, so it's. It's hard to describe how I get information, but I.
Amy Babish: I'm pretty sure this is her. And what she shared with me was that her mom was enslaved and she was a product of rape by the slave owner and that her mom is dead, and so she's alone with him. And so I don't know. I want to make sure that that is congruent if you check that out with her. Yeah.
Steph: Yes.
Amy Babish: So there are many layers about me that people don't know. And you don't know this about me, but I. I was a sex abuse and sex trafficking therapist for a long time in my career with kids and teenagers. And when you have been locked in a house, no matter what time it is, no matter what era it is, it's terrifying. But in this context, especially given the historical context of enslavement, it's beyond terrifying and dehumanizing. And as you were tuning in when I was asking, like, what's. What's the resource that will give her relief? What. What came through is something around the sacred masculine.
Amy Babish: And in a way that might be. You might be like Amy. That's not it. So you tell me, because it's like when I tune in, I really ask for what.
Steph: What.
Amy Babish: What will be the most supportive for her and for you. And what I got was the planet Mars. So Mars, when it's in its right relationship, not the colonized empire, war, Mars, but when Mars is in its balance, it is the sacred masculine. How does that land in your system, as I say Mars.
Steph: And actually calmed my system. Yeah, a little bit.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: A lot. Mostly in my chest here.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: Kind of felt that release just a little bit. Yeah.
Amy Babish: So the beautiful thing about ancestral work is we get to work with scale so we can size up or size down. And so we're going to invite Mars to come in a symbol down into this basement and offer, like, I'm using my hands, like, offer support and a transmission to her that she would never be able to have in that time and place. As a little girl who's enslaved by herself, there's no human support that was available or that I can even call in historical context. So it's something beyond. Beyond what we know about. So just inviting that planet to come and support both of you and balance the balance. The sacred masculine for her that she never had, which then dehumanized her and her femininity that lived in you. Yeah.
Amy Babish: It might. Mars might also be able to do something upstairs with him. But we need to focus on her first. And you first. Yeah. And just allow it to, like, allow you to drink it up. Allowing her to drink it up as if it's like, the most delicious, nourishing drink, like, every cell of your body. Like, she doesn't know about IVs, so we can't say that.
Amy Babish: But she knows about being thirsty, so allowing it to, like, go down her esophagus, allowing it to go through all of her organs. I was getting a lot about digestive system for her, like, really going through her spleen, all of her guts, all the way down to her bones and her bone marrow into her kidneys and the same for you. Into her beautiful eyes to her nails and fingertips to her toenails. It's what she didn't know she needed. Yeah. What happens for you?
Steph: We giggled.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: Yeah, a little bit. We shared a cup. I asked her favorite color while we were drinking it.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: Still feel sad, hot and still protective.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: And letting her know she's going to be okay.
Amy Babish: Yeah. Yeah. And so do you feel like you need to ask Mars for anything? Going back to the loss, your dad, the loss of control. Because the sacred masculine has, like, the support and the structure of, like, we've got you.
Steph: That is actually what I'm feeling. When you had first said Mars and I felt my chest lift a little bit, I. One visual that had been coming up for me in the past was just this feeling of just falling, almost like a trust fall and letting, I don't know what, letting somebody, something catch me, but just letting go and falling. And I would ask for that to be able to just stop hanging on. Just let go and be able to fall back.
Amy Babish: Yeah. So you can go back in and let Mars give you that transmission. So it might shape shift into your dad. It might shape shift into something else. It might be a sacred tree that's really just flexible and can hold you at any time. You can call on it. Mars has infinite basis of the sacred and divine masculine. It might be your partner who's supported by Mars.
Amy Babish: Now.
Steph: I feel like my dad is still here, but it's my grandpa. The visual of my grandpa that's catching me.
Amy Babish: Yeah. Is it your dad's dad or your mom's dad?
Steph: My dad's dad.
Amy Babish: Yeah. Yeah. And so this is a feeling that you can, you can ask him to also, also be with. Even though it's not the same bloodline, ask him to be with you and her, your nine year old great great great grandmother and ask him to take you out of the house. He can pick her up. He knows the way out. Yeah, yeah, he knows the way out.
Steph: Hey, I see the running again, but in the grass. And then the visual that I got in earlier wasn't sure if I had seen a house or not. I feel like it's in the distance.
Amy Babish: Yeah, yeah.
Steph: But I don't know.
Amy Babish: So. So we're going to say to her, we're going to say some statements to her and so you will you find your word. So it doesn't have to be exactly what I say, but it's the essence of it. So you're going to say to her and to your dad and to your grandfather and to Mars and to your mom. I see the complex system that I come from that was filled with tragedy.
Steph: Yeah.
Amy Babish: And immense bravery and an immense will to live because I'm here as your descendant. And then we say to her and to your mom, I take my life back from you. Now we both get to be free. We all get to be free. Our freedom came at a price of facing the fears around family secrets. And we gained a wonderful resource of Mars and of grandpa, of grandfather, that girls and women and the feminine will always be divinely and sacredly protected. Now in our lineage, backwards and forwards and the men in our lives will also be guided by the sacred masculine by Mars. Is there anything else you want to say to Any of them or to.
Steph: The whole system feels. It feels very special to feel connected and emotional.
Amy Babish: Yeah. Yeah. You didn't know you could have this?
Steph: No.
Amy Babish: Yeah. You can say, I want more of this.
Steph: I do.
Amy Babish: Yeah. I don't want you to leave me. I want you to help me be brave. I want you to be my light so that I don't Turtle and I don't stop living. I don't. I don't need to be stuck anymore. I want to keep moving through life and living as your descendant in the present moment where if things come out of control, I know how to go through it because you're with me. I'm not alone anymore.
Amy Babish: Not just for the hard times, but. But also for the good times, for all. All the moments for my life. Yeah. What happens?
Steph: Wow. Wow. Oh, that was. Wow. I don't know. I'm a little bit speechless. It.
Amy Babish: It. That happens a lot.
Steph: Yeah. Yeah. I've. Like I said, I've never done anything like this before, so I. I feel very still. Sweaty.
Amy Babish: Lots of life force coming through. Yes.
Steph: Lots of life force coming through. Through. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amy Babish: And how does your chest feel? How does your heart feel?
Steph: My chest and heart feels open.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: I can see my dad's face calm and smiling.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: It was really awesome to, like, feel the presence of my grandpa.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: I miss him.
Amy Babish: Yeah.
Steph: And it's such a strange feeling. Like, the. In the last thing that I felt that I did was just kind of reach out and. And touch the tips of the fingers of the little girl.
Amy Babish: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That gets to live with you forever and her and the whole lineage in between.
Steph: It's crazy. That's so cool.
Amy Babish: So this can be a part of your practice, like when you're in nature or before you go to bed or whatever your practices already are, you can just be like, I want to make contact with my ancestors. I want them to be a part of the life that I'm living. And when I get harmony or when I'm starting to feel stuck, call in Mars. Like, you might need that fire to come in. Fire is the element and the alchemical system that ignites change.
Steph: Okay.
Amy Babish: Yeah. Is there anything else. Anything else you want to ask or anything you want to name before we close up?
Steph: No, I need to digest this a little bit. I'm full.
Amy Babish: Yes.
Steph: Yes, yes, yes. Yeah.
Amy Babish: This is a potent. This is a potent conversation. Thank you so much for being brave and going, like, way outside your comfort zone. Way outside your. But, you know, unlike other work, where it's like you have homework or you have to revisit something. You don't really have homework or anything. You just. It's gonna just keep unfolding and we'll continue to digest.
Amy Babish: And you might have different contact with the different parts of the ancestral field that came through. They'll come to you and you can say, hey, I invite you in. So you have all these different ways of, like, using a candle. Like, all these different metaphor and liminal images that came through to support you. And red came through. Like, I have these curtains here every day, and red is very. Like, red aspire. To me, it's Mars.
Amy Babish: And so my currents never do this. So this is part of the field. You can't see it on the. On the call or on the. We can't listen to it on the podcast. I can't. You can't see it, but you can listen to it. There's, like, red all behind me.
Amy Babish: That is not usually there. And I knew we needed to invite in the sacred masculine, because I don't know if you could hear it, but my door doorbell range and a workman came, and it was like a really friendly voice. And I was like, oh, this is the right. Right when I was saying, let's invite Mars in, I was like, oh. And then I had to close my curtain because he was right behind us. So.
Steph: Right.
Amy Babish: I was like, this is important. I didn't know that was going to happen during this time is, you know, the window of when people come. Yeah, we're going to come when we're ready. So, you know, there's different ways for you to keep on, like, reconnecting and letting it digest more and drink lots of water, be really gentle and spend some time in nature, in the sun. The sun is also connected to Mars. And I kept on hearing. When we brought Mars in, I kept on hearing. It's a phrase from another song by Trevor Hall.
Amy Babish: It's. I have everything I need. It's like a little bit of a mantra. I have everything I need. I have everything I need. Not doing the song justice, but it has that kind of mantra to it.
Steph: Yeah.
Amy Babish: So you might find music that resonates with you and your musicality that speaks to, like, oh, what's a song I can carry with me? So no matter where you are, if you're able to be outside or not be outside, you have all these different ways of, like, nourishing your system to be in the present moment, to keep on digesting. And I just. I feel like it's going to be. You're going to look back and be like, was it really this? Did that really happen? But you're going to have evidence, by the way you live, that this fully integrated.
Steph: Okay? Yes.
Amy Babish: Yes. So thank you so much to our listeners. Thank you for joining us for this complex and potent journey. And many, many people, many listeners carry complex trauma, also complex experience of boundary crossings or sexual abuse or rape. And many of my listeners, in their lineages, there has been enslavement. And so I hope that this episode nourishes you. If you are one of those listeners. And for those of you who don't have that context, I hope you can have compassion and empathy for descendants who are walking around with these entanglements that are very complex, that are quite painful.
Amy Babish: We all have them, but they're different flavors. And I hope that this episode nourishes you and your relationship with the sacred masculine. We all need that at this time and throughout all of history. If this res. If this episode resonates, please leave me a podcast review. I'm open to guests on the show who would like to go deep with me and to listeners who want to be on that journey, on that shared journey. Until we meet again. Thank you.
Amy Babish: Thank you, thank you. That's all for this episode of the Soulful Visionary Podcast. If you found value in today's episode and are ready to delve deeper into aligning your inner world and environment, please subscribe to this podcast on your favorite podcast platform. Your subscription helps us to reach more soulful visionaries like yourself. And if you've been inspired by what you heard, I'd be incredibly grateful if you could leave a review. Your feedback not only helps others discover this podcast, but also guides me in creating content that truly resonates with you. I'll catch you in the next episode. As we continue to unlock the love, purpose and fulfillment you deeply crave.